this is nothing new to the older generations but like everything – this is quite new to generations growing older.
which is – as we grow older, we start to care less about what others think or say – because we realize that our time on earth is running short and we can’t afford to waste anymore time
this then pushes us to react to people in a different way – a less tolerant way. we have always taken the tolerant path first -put with what we perceived to be people’s BS
but now as we grow older and start to care less and less – we shorten bad interactions and, in fact, end relationships altogether instead of staying nice and tolerant.
this leads to a list developing – of people that perhaps were once friends or acquaintances and now you have cut off
don’t be alarmed – this is normal – it goes hand in hand with the “i don’t care” mentality
if you don’t care and if time is running out – then you will move faster to judgment on human relationships – and a list of ex-friends will develop
accept this side effect to “i don’t care” and move on
the perceived nicest person in the world has a list – believe it
we must all reach this stage in life – where we say and believe “i don’t care” – but it is very hard to reach 100%. when we are young, we care about everything and everyone. we want everyone to like us. we want to go to every event – we want to be a part of everything. FOMO drives us crazy. we think that everyone is thinking about us – that they care about us – that they care about what we are doing. so we care about them – we think about them – we want to be with them or be like them. we think that we are special and that is why people should think and care about us.
this is especially true for people born in the last half of the 1900’s. society turned more towards the “me” movement – with the baby boomers opening up their minds – believing they were special and then pitching this concept to their kids – with future generations cementing this idea into the fabric of western society through the family interaction. now we have a fully immersed society that only thinks about me,me,me – and this is further enhanced with the internet and social media. so instead of evolving away from the “me” society and the “i don’t care” attitude – where we can free our minds to live our lives without extra mental stress – we instead see a society that has more mental illness and depression. these issues are a direct result of the “me” movement filled with self indulgence, self importance, and arrogance. this is why we see more lashing out by teens, more violence, more people taking medication, etc.
what do we do? how do we break this cycle? society, as a whole, cannot break the cycle, because the roots are not at the society level but more at the individual level – where it started. as individuals, we don’t rely on society change to live our own lives – we rely on our own experiences and thoughts to live our individual lives. so we must make change at the individual level.
the first step is saying “i don’t care”
saying “i don’t care” –
-frees your mind
-helps you live your own life
-gives you self power
-removes mental anguish
-provides more focus
-allows you to live in the moment
-allows you to focus on the real people in your life
-gives you a reason not to care about everyone and everything
the 50s are very interesting. yeah, you are getting old and yeah, the body starts to break a bit. but, the realizations about life that come to your mind are awesome!
here they are –
- realize that you will die soon (in the next 10-30 years)
- realize that because you will die soon, you need to stop giving a shit about stupid things
- definitely stop caring about what others think
- definitely start cutting out people from your life that don’t care about you
- definitely remove all arrogant people from your life immediately
- definitely avoid all arrogant people
- focus more on family
- focus more on your real friends
- see that most people are acquaintances only
- don’t try to go back in time to deliberately revive old friendships
- realize that all friendships have a time and a place in your life
- not all friendships are meant to last a lifetime
- realize that routine is good for you and helps keep you alive
- live in the moment – look at nature and understand this concept
- go and do things now
- tell your loved ones that you love them
- understand that people, including friends, might not want to be around you anymore – that’s ok – keep moving forward
- listen closely to your gut – and follow it
- look at each day as a blessing and a victory
- not every day is going to be exciting – that is ok
limbo is ok. it is ok to be in limbo sometimes in life – in you job, with friends or family. it gives you time to reflect, to think, to plan for the next step. limbo is something that always happens in life to everyone at some stage. we keep going on a constant path, juggling all the things in life – our goal is to keep busy, to be productive, to strive for more, to gain more order in life, to understand more, to learn more, to experience more, to make mistakes, to learn from our mistakes, to be positive, to push harder, to have bad days, to have good days – and to be in limbo – long or short – we go into limbo in areas of our life. we get confused, we get out of sync, we get worried, we want to have routine back, we want to know what is next, we want to know what to expect each day, we don’t like limbo. but if you look at limbo as a good thing – as a thing to help us get through change, as a thing to help us understand who we are, as a thing to appreciate, as a time of reflection – then we can accept a state of limbo. but you must use limbo to prepare for the next organized phase. do not waste limbo. use limbo to your advantage to make the next stage better. limbo is good. embrace limbo like you should with all change. change will always come. limbo will sometimes come. embrace both and use them both to your advantage.
what is needed every day in life? you need food, water, shelter and encouragement. how about encouragement? what is encouragement? who needs encouragement? the answer – it is one of the most important things that you need in life on a continuing basis. how different is your life if someone gives you encouragement every day or every few days or even every week – all of these scenarios create a huge difference in someone’s life. it is not something that you think about all the time. it is not something tangible that you can hold or see. it is something that you can hear. we all have insecurities even if we don’t verbalize them all the time. our job is to push back these insecurities and move forward to make progress and reach our goals. many times you can just do it on your own because you start to have experience and you just push through based on what you have done in the past. but, when you tell someone about a problem that you are having or a doubt that you have about doing something – how wonderful it is when someone tells you back – “don’t worry, you can do it – you will be ok” you know that deep down you can probably do it without hearing these words, but when you do hear these words, especially when you are looking for encouragement – it is a game changer and it keeps you going and it keeps you pushing for what you need to make things happen and keep things on track in your life. so what you can do is find that person that you see or talk to all the time and you can ask them for encouragement. make sure that it is someone that is true and honest – someone that always tells you the truth. this is the person that will help get you through life – no matter how strong and organized we seem on the surface – we all need encouragement all the time. you can give encouragement back as well – you need to help others too. next time you need encouragement – ask for it and next time someone asks you for encouragement – give it.
not including the “no premarital sex” path followed by some and just focusing on “the talk” that you give your teenagers – this is how it should go:
you want to be very clear and very blunt – and you want to definitely give it to them by 16 – when they start more serious dating. we all know what teens are capable of regardless of what they tell you. you want to tell them that things can happen and they need to be prepared – and they need to tell their parents the truth – to a certain extent – so everyone is on the same page and no mistakes are made. there comes a time when you realize time is going fast with your kids, especially when they hit 16 and approach 18. you have to give up the long held belief that nothing will happen until they are 18 and legally adults. things will happen before then and as they get closer and closer to 18, there is less and less you can do about it. so instead, be straight with them about the perils they could face and even advise them to take precautionary measures. reality is reality and it is what it is – no time to dance around the subject – get to the point and make an impact with your words.
it does breed contempt – no doubt about it. this is another part of human nature that you cannot control. it is in all of us. even the people closest to us like family – we do not like everything about them – we can’t because no one is perfect and no one can meet every expectation you have. you like every part about them, but there is always one habit or behavior you dislike. the longer you know someone – the longer you are around someone – you will eventually find something that you do not like about them. this is not a bad thing – this is human nature and the “endless” march of time coming together. it is inevitable that this will occur. your best friend for 50 years – there is something you do not like about them. your spouse of 50 years – something that gets to you. your parents – eventually they get on your nerves – and you breed some contempt. as long as we know this is part of human nature – just like hate, love, war, jealousy, greed, kindness, etc – then we know it is a natural thing that is a part of who we are. it is ok if this happens but try to keep it in check or you might find yourself alone one day. just another thing we have to manage as we try to keep our grip and keep our place in society.
when you see the mind start to go – it is a sad and terrible thing – especially in a parent. they can still talk to you and conversations are easy – but the confusion starts and the memory loss kicks in. though you can converse, there is not much detail anymore – general answers only. they can still eat, shower, read, clean up, dress – all the usual things in the normal way. but you do see the mind go a bit – repeating questions, repeating observations. you start to realize that things will never be the same. they can’t be alone anymore, they can’t remember to do the key things of each day – they can’t remember to eat or take their medicine – so even if they can do all the other things – if you don’t eat or take your meds – that is a problem – and it requires people to be there and to help get these things done to survive. as the child of the parent that is starting down this no-return path – you start to think about how will you set up the next stage for your parent – how do you make all the decisions – where will they live, how will they live – in a home or at home with the family. how much money is there to make these changes happen – to transition into this unfortunate phase. it happened quite fast – 6 months ago there was some forgetfulness – no biggie at the time – comes with older age – could last for years – but then in a flash – getting lost while driving the usual route, wandering down the street a bit, not getting dressed entirely – unusual things happening – and next thing you know, they are staying in your guest room and going home does not seem like a clear option anymore. you have to face it because they can’t face it anymore – their mind is in the last battle – trying to keep things normal but also knowing something is wrong which they can’t explain because it is their own mind that is confused – it is a never ending loop of confusion and the eyes are not as engaged as before – there is now a distance to them – brought on by this unseen confusion. you start to realize that when you talk with them, it won’t be remembered so you are really talking to yourself but it gives you comfort to hear them agree with you even though they don’t understand anymore. when you see the mind start to go, you realize that there is change coming – for them and for you
victory is an amazing feeling – especially in sports. you play a sport to have fun but sometimes you join a team to compete for a title. you develop good connections with your teammates and you work together to win – to beat the other teams. nothing beats the moment your team clinches a title – with everything on the line – coming down to the last point, the last game, the last match. you are alive and in the moment – more alive and in the moment than most times in life – you feel the pressure of the moment – you feel the tension of the next move – will you respond the right way – will you stay focused in the moment and push through to win. it is truly a microcosm of life – the pressure is on – will you handle the pressure and prevail or will you buckle under the pressure of the moment. this is the true test of life and the true test of sport. your team is relying on you – they are watching you, they are praying for you to win – to help clinch the title for your team. and when you do push back against the pressure – when you do focus on the moment – when you do make that last winning shot to help take your team to the next level – to claim victory – to shout out loud your victory – only then will you truly feel alive – when you feel victory, you really feel alive on this earth at this moment – it is so exhilarating. go play a sport, join a team, feel the pressure and clinch victory – there ain’t nothing like it.
when you are young, you don’t notice much because you are too busy focusing on the moment. you don’t notice any problems going on in your family or if family members need your help. you are young so you figure the adults will take care of things. this goes on into your 20s – it’s all about you. but then you get older and you start to see the cracks of imperfection in your family tree – and this is normal – to see reality and for reality to be imperfect. once you get past the fact that nothing is perfect, including your family, you then start to realize that people need help. people are not perfect and people fall down all the time. naturally, you first look to take care of your own problems and your own immediate family – and this is your first priority. but then you realize that people in your extended family need your help. so you must help them as well. you must talk to them, you must console them, you must try to comfort them – and talk them through their problems. you must not give up helping others – you must continue to help your family and friends as long as you can. all people need help sometime – so help them if you can. one day you will need help too.