ah –this is one of the hardest things to practice. we want to be modest, we don’t want to be an ass –but our inner self always pushes to be in charge and over-confident. we are unstoppable and the world cannot live without us –and our job can’t do without us –we are too valuable to be let go! –obviously that is BS –but our inner voice does not know this –we are trained to be self-confident –but we must control these thoughts when our reputation, family, career are on the line. we must get back in line and not jump out suddenly, tossing away all thoughts of modesty -this will only lead to trouble. that is why when you are in a heated conversation –you must pause in your own mind and not say the absolute wrong thing –filter your words very carefully –and stay close to the modest line when in the thick of it –as you can always move forward from modesty in the future –but it is harder to back away from over-confidence and bravado. this is not easy and emotions get in the way –you say to yourself –i am the “shit” and i want my way. stop right there and go to modesty for the time being –it will help in the long run. i am not saying to cower and not stand up for what you have accomplished –you do have rights and value –but don’t make any fatal moves –and modesty and help you keep away from the fatal moves. even the most important person in the world must practice modesty –to remain relevant and to remain important in their own mind and in the world
i know it is hard, but we need to try and control people less. when you try to control the actions of another person so that they fit the mold in your mind –only trouble can come from it. if it is in your nature to control things –you need to break away from this natural inclination when it comes to people you love. do not try to control them –let them figure things out for themselves because they do know what is the right thing to do –without you trying to tell them all the time or control them all the time. you love them for many things that do not need control –and then you try to control a few things that you want changed, etc. stop doing this. i know it is hard to break these habits that have formed in your mind. you see an ideal in your mind and you want to live by that ideal and you want others to live by your ideal as well. though it might be a good ideal –you might turn it into a negative ideal when you try to control folks. ease back a bit and let things happen naturally. if they love you, then they will try to please you by trying to live up to your ideal –just like you will try to live up to their ideals. this is the way you create balance in a relationship. try to live up to each other’s ideals, but do not push and try to control things to reach these ideals. a balance can be achieved if the understanding that each will try without control. get it? everything is a work in progress –so start slow. that’s what I do.