shit everywhere

don’t want to use the word shit but there is no way around it. every day, every week, every month, every year – there is shit going on all around us. i mean bad shit. bad shit in the world and bad shit in our own lives. we see relatives dying, friends getting sick, people we know dying young, kids getting in trouble, parents getting old, people getting fired, people getting divorced, teens dying young, friends losing their home, money troubles and health troubles everywhere. we see all this shit and we get nervous, we get worried, we get scared – we start to think we are losing our grip. but that is the test – shit is everywhere trying to pull you in, distract you, make you misstep and fall into the shit. this is the time where you just stay the course, stay focused, keep your grip, don’t make sudden moves. shit will always happen, so you need to work through the shit while keeping your grip or avoid it altogether.

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we have to accept all stages in life

this whole life thing can be confusing and can leave us just sitting there not knowing what to do or what to think about it all.  but i think the one rule of thumb for getting through the idea of thinking about life is to not ponder on it too long.  if we do ponder on why things happen and what is happening – it will leave us frustrated.  this includes all the stages we go through and our kids go through – from youth to adulthood to old age.  it is easier to ponder your own trip through these stages because you are personally living in these stages and you won’t feel sad about going from stage to stage – you will accept it rather quickly.  you will say “wow, it is going fast and i am getting old” – but you will accept it – you have to.  on the other hand – when it comes to accepting your kids going through these same stages – and you are there guiding them through the youth to adulthood stage – it can be more difficult to accept.  you don’t want to see them grow up but you do want them to grow up.  it not only accentuates your own march to the end but it just hits your heart to let go more and more.  that is why we must not ponder on this too much – it will only hurt and confuse us more.  you will ponder a bit – but then quickly move on with life.  this is out of our control so no need to waste too many feelings in this area.  each stage is exciting – so enjoy it, accept it – and don’t ponder for long – not healthy.

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birthday=reflection

when you are young, you don’t reflect on birthdays or any day – no need – just live.  but as you get older – as the birthdays pile up and the big day approaches each year – you become apprehensive, you get worried, you lose sleep – and each birthday becomes bitter sweet – yes you are still alive and that is good – but you then start to think about the past and you start to think about the future.  for the past – you look back and see if you are satisfied with what you have done and where you are at 39,49,59,69.  are you happy with where you sit at each birthday – is this what you thought you would be doing.  this then brings on visions of the shortening future – it is no longer halfway – it becomes less than half left – time is running out.  will you reach all of your goals before you die.  you need to use your remaining time wisely – you need finish the job right – you need to get to a point of calmness – you need to stop worrying – you still need so much – but you won’t get it all – you have to start to understand that – you are not exactly where you thought you would be – yes it is good overall – yes it could be better – yes it could be worse – you can reflect too much or too long – no point – time keeps going and so do you.  just get up and do what you need to do, what you want to do, what you have to do.  be with those that are good to you – get rid of the rest.  they are all racing towards the end just like you – not enough room in your mind or their mind for many other thoughts.  the only thought is to keep going.

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enthusiasm

it is hard to explain.  it is the question asked forever by everyone.  it is embedded deep in the human mind and soul.  it is why we all live or die.  it challenges us every day.  it never relents.  it is the up and down of life.  it is happiness.  brought to the public forefront many years ago, happiness is truly what we all strive for – but there is no such thing as constant happiness.  we must accept that we will not always be happy – all the time.  yet this is hard to do.  we want to be happy all the time.  we think it is the way to live.  but once we accept that this is impossible, we must continue to remind ourselves of this very fact.  we must understand that not being happy all the time is the natural way.  we will have down times, so what we need to do is keep up our enthusiasm for life.  knowing that life is not all roses, we need to keep the spark of life alive.  we must not let the trials of life beat us down.  we must remember we are alive right now – we are not dead yet – and while we are alive we must force ourselves to keep up our zest for life – we must keep that zest going – the same zest we had when we were younger.  it was easier then but now it is harder – so you need to work harder to not let the spark die.  like everything, you must never quit, never give up -and that goes for your zest for life too.  keep it going.  keep up your enthusiasm no matter what.  if you don’t, then you lose a part of who you are.

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looking back

when you look back past your life and all the way back to your parents’ lives – to when they met and got married – and then you see the path they took and you see how old they were – and you then compare to your life, to your age at certain parts of your path – you then start to realize how young your parents were when they got married, when they had kids, why they had marital troubles if they did – why they might have divorced – you start to see it all very clearly.  you think about what you did in your 20s – and how getting married and having kids in early-mid 20s might have been major challenges to a relationship.  you then see the paths they took and then you see that their lives did not always end in glory or in a way ever imagined.  they had dreams too – they wanted to get to a comfortable place too.  they wanted to be safe and secure – they wanted to succeed.  they are just like you – they are only human – their paths changed too – they are just trying to hold on to life like you – they are trying to keep their grip every day.  it is a funny thing when you really look back at your parents’ lives and you compare to yours and you see what they had to do and you see what you have to do – and these are the secrets not always revealed – you just have to look and compare – and you will understand more about you and about them.

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high school reunions

reunions are a strange business.  i think they are good but they are definitely a unique animal.  you initially go because you know a few other folks going and you want to see them – so that is all good and that is a good reason to go.  even to see 1 person that you are tight with or used to be tight with – is reason enough to go.  you feel nervous going to the event – you really don’t know who you are going to see – you don’t know what you are going to say.  you do know you might see people that you really didn’t like in high school and they really didn’t like you.  you get there and you say hi to everyone you come in contact with – you are excited to see some folks and others you fall back into the way it was in HS – quick hi and move on.  it is funny how the differences then are still there now.  throughout the event, you are in a frenzied state – you don’t want to miss anyone – you want to make sure you talk to all those you know – you want to reach out to some you might not remember – you want to get the aha moment – yes, i remember you – so you are cruising around – talking, laughing reminiscing – you talk so much and so fast that you forget to eat – and the night goes quick – and then at the end of the night or the next day you feel good but you still feel like you didn’t talk to everyone – you didn’t get to say everything that you wanted to say.  you want to hold on a little longer to those bygone days – you want to feel back in the moment – it is a strange feeling that lingers for days after the event.  you stirred up those old thoughts from 20-30-40 years ago.  you went back in time.  almost a double edge sword – open up the past- relive and reconnect – but deep inside knowing that your time is fading fast.  the good is you can reconnect with a few – you can include them in your life again. you can look at others in a new light – you can make new connections from the ones that you might not have known so well in the past.  this whole thing stirs up unusual emotions but it is worth the effort.  these things only come by a few times in life so don’t miss them all.

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keep your grip

as you get older, it becomes harder and harder to keep your grip.  the challenges of life come at you hard in the 40’s, 50’s – you get pulled from all sides – the folks start dying – the kids start complaining and becoming more expensive – the marriage you need to keep focusing on – to maintain balance.  you must steady yourself – you must look at yourself from the outside – you must try and remain calm.  you must keep your grip – no matter what is thrown your way.  you start to feel the pressure of life – you start to buckle a bit – you lose your train of thought – you have to work to be happy – it does not come as easily as it used to.  everything is put in your way to make you stumble.  but you must keep your focus – you must work on the smaller picture and not worry about the bigger picture so much – keep things going – keep moving forward – don’t stop or stall – you keep things on track the best you can and you will get through – you will keep your grip – you will get to the other side.  step by step – keep your grip.

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struggle to appreciate

i have talked about the struggle over and over.  it is always there for all of us.  there is some type of struggle there – rich or poor.  it dominates our mind – in the background – coming to the front with worry, doubt, insecurity.  but what is so beautiful about the struggle is that it makes us better people.  it pushes us more and more towards our loved ones.  it shows us that we are not alone – that we have friends and family – right there in the struggle with us.  it enhances our appreciation for others.  we feel the struggle, they feel the struggle – we have a common bond – getting through the struggle – and it brings us together.  we hug more and hold each other more – we want to help each other through our joint struggle and our individual struggles within the main struggle.  we always wish to be free of the struggle – but in reality we are never free.  we have to be in a struggle to appreciate the good things we have in life.  the struggle gives us an appreciation for what we have – it keeps us grounded.  we especially need this during the tough decades – 30’s, 40’s, 50’s – we need this more than we realize.  if we didn’t have the struggle, we would appreciate less and we would lose what we have.

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change and purpose

change occurred today – Trump was sworn in.  there is a feeling now that more obvious changes are coming to America and the world.  i don’t know if that has to do with my age now – and how i can reflect more on life and how i want to know what life is all about.  as we get older, we do start to reflect and we start to ask why are we here – what is our individual purpose here on earth.  is it to help ourselves or is it to help others.  is our purpose not to see how far we can go but how far we can help others go.  everyone’s destiny is predefined – we just need to follow the signals to stay on the predefined path.  this will help eliminate worry and fear.  but we still do not know what we are here for – what we are really here for.  we will only know in the last hours of our lives – we will then know what we did and this will tell us why we were here – individually.  if you as an individual do not achieve “greatness” – then you will help others achieve it.  everyone is linked to some great purpose one way or another.  some are easy to see – like being President of the US.  but for most it is harder to see what great purpose we have achieved.  but it is there and that is why change is there – change is driving all of us to our greater purpose for being on this earth.  you have to know that you are here to achieve a greater purpose.  you have to look deeper and deeper into your life to see the greater purpose that you have achieved.  do not leave this earth thinking that you did not achieve a greater purpose.  you did achieve a greater purpose and if you keep looking, you will see it.  don’t stop reflecting and looking.  change is a way to your greater purpose.

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routine, not control

we all get into routines.  we all need routines.  you need a routine to stay on track.  you need a routine to stay sane.  a routine is good for your physical and mental health.  without routines, we would be lost.  it is the natural flow of life to fall into routines.  once the routine is set, we don’t need to think about it.  you fall into a routine without even noticing.  life is made up of a series of routines.  a routine determines what you do in life and when you do things in the day, the week, the month, the year and throughout your life.  the routine controls most of your actions.  but sometimes routines can cause conflicts.  this happens when people think that you are trying to control a situation or a decision, especially in a relationship – when it might just be that you are letting your routine guide you.  you are not trying to control everything, you are following your routine – and sometimes that can be seen as control, not routine.  look at what you are doing and see if it is part of your routine – and you are not deliberately trying to exert control over someone else’s life.  you should align your routines with your partner’s routines – to avoid conflict and misunderstanding.  if you are a good match and have similar interests, then the routines should naturally align.  but if conflict arises, just refer to the routines and see if that is the issue.  if it is not, then you might be trying to control someone.

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