20-40 years

once you hit 50 years old – that’s all you have left to live – 20-40 years if you are lucky. so think about life that way. think to yourself – “i have 20-40 years left in my life – and that’s it”

when you start to give a damn about what people think about you – think 20-40

when you start to care if you are not included in events, etc – think 20-40

when you have people that don’t reciprocate a friendship – think 20-40

when people don’t have time for you – think 20-40

when people don’t ask questions about your life – think 20-40

when people think they are better than you – think 20-40

when people show off – think 20-40

when people are rude to you – think 20-40

That’s it! 20-40 years left! so why do you give a shit about any of these things, when in 20-40 years, you will be dead!

in other words – do what makes you happy, do what makes your family happy, do whatever you want – and stop caring about anything else because in 20-40 years – you will be dead and the world will go on without you – and in a couple of generations, no one will know your name – live YOUR damn life the way you want to live it – and the sooner you figure this out, the sooner you will stop caring about things that don’t matter and you will stop worrying all the time – and you might actually do more with your life!

goodbye – nothing else to say here – the message is crystal clear!

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everyone will not like you and you won’t like everyone

it can’t be explained in any easy way. it goes back to the saying – “it is what it is and it ain’t what it ain’t”. so here it goes –

when you are young, you want everyone to like you and you think everyone should like you. but you quickly find that some people don’t like you through bullying, etc.

at that point, you don’t think about it too much – it’s like – on one hand, these are my friends and on the other hand,these are people that i don’t really know so they are not my friends – and some pick on me for no apparent reason so they must not like me. this is all very straight forward.

as time goes on, you do acquire many friends through various stages of life – but many of these friends move on -some because you physically move away and others because they don’t like you anymore or you don’t like them anymore. this is harder to explain and you start to wonder – “maybe everyone doesn’t like me” – and you start to wonder am i an asshole or a jackass?

the short answer is simple – YES! (we can all be assholes or jackasses sometimes – accept this – we are human!)

the long answer explains it more and is the root of this entire concept – Yes, you can be a jackass or asshole to people that are your friends without even knowing it.

this is because the longer we are friends with someone, the more time we have to see parts of that person that we do not like. and sometimes, we get tired of dealing with these things that we have discovered that we don’t like about this person and we move on – putting them on the non-friend list.

and definitely vice-versa – they do the same to us – and this is why you are not going to like everyone and everyone is not going to like you.

bottomline – no one is perfect or will be seen as perfect in our eyes or their eyes – and we determine that life is way too short so we move on.

we need to accept this reality – and not get upset for too long – and move on.

2nd bottomline – move on and don’t get upset – and keep spending time with the people who have not reached the point of no return.

side note – with family – you can’t move on – so get used to the things that you do not like and accept them.

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cowards

when a friend or relative becomes a coward it is a shocking thing to witness. this means that they don’t want anything to do with you anymore but don’t have the guts to tell you to your face. imagine being friends or relatives (through in-laws) for 25 years and then one day you are not. in the in-law scenario – you are still related but just not friends anymore. imagine having a wife and 3 kids with the wife also being related to the in-law for 50+ years – and the whole family is snubbed by this person that you loved and trusted – like a true brother. this person has now become a coward and you will never see them again – maybe at a wedding or a funeral – but they won’t show up – not because of you but because they don’t care for anyone in the family. the patriarch passed and this person saw the chance to get out too. i don’t really care anymore – though i did for awhile – this big brother figure snubbing me in a cowardly way – i couldn’t believe it until i saw the snub with my own eyes. we traveled thousands of miles to visit relatives and there was a family gathering – all showed except the coward. he couldn’t drive 10 minutes to see the sister-in-law that he loves and the nieces that he has professed love towards – the message was loud and clear – good-bye to me and my family – but hopefully he can be there for my family, especially my wife – i don’t care about me anymore – he is dead to me. the memories were good but you turned out to be a person that couldn’t go all the way. am i being dramatic – yes – but it is the truth and i will say no more about it from this day forward – life is too short – we don’t have time to waste on people that don’t have time for us – wake up and move on

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jackasses

you are a jackass to some people and i am a jackass to some people – and some people are jackasses to me and some people are jackasses to you. the point is that we are all jackasses to some people and some people are jackasses to us. so one goal in life is to spot the jackasses and stay away from them. this will also happen to you as well – some people will think that you are a jackass and will stay away from you. this natural process is inevitable in life – but you need to be aware that this process exists and then you can act on it more frequently when you spot a jackass. people usually don’t start off as a jackass in your eyes and many times they might be social friends – not real friends – real friends are rarely jackasses. it is the social friend that you meet through friends, in the neighborhood, through your kids – these people might be a jackass in the end. you might see it quickly with how they act towards you or it might take a longer time – where you are social friends and then one day you see the jackass side. while you are assessing them, they are also assessing you – all in a subconscious way – we don’t think about it all the time – but then the signal goes off – the jackass alert. from there, you must cut them off from interaction – life is too short to keep engaging with people that you think are jackasses. can people come back from the jackass label? – I’m not sure – it is possible but not probable – not enough time in life to backtrack too much.

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arrogance


this is one of the worst traits in people. if someone is arrogant, you must cut them out of your life. if they are arrogant, then it means that they don’t respect you at all – that they look down on you. you put up with it when you are young – you don’t want to lose friends because they are arrogant. but as you grow older, you start to see how bad this trait is – they don’t care for you. they think that they are better than you. they don’t listen to what you have to say. even if you have known someone for a long time and you have ignored their arrogance – but then one day you see the arrogance in it’s full form – you must stop right there and cut those people out of your lives. this is another life moment where you know that time is running out for all of us on this planet – life doesn’t end well – we all die in the end! so stop being with arrogant people – it is a waste of time and they need to know that you are done with arrogance and arrogant people. you can’t tell them to their face that they are arrogant – you just have to move on, cut them off, don’t speak to them again – they will get the message or they might not – it doesn’t matter – you have to focus on your life and not being around arrogant people. the clues are as follows – they don’t treat you with equal respect; they don’t listen to what you have to say; they think you are beneath them; they only talk about themselves

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familiarity

it does breed contempt – no doubt about it. this is another part of human nature that you cannot control. it is in all of us. even the people closest to us like family – we do not like everything about them – we can’t because no one is perfect and no one can meet every expectation you have. you like every part about them, but there is always one habit or behavior you dislike. the longer you know someone – the longer you are around someone – you will eventually find something that you do not like about them. this is not a bad thing – this is human nature and the “endless” march of time coming together. it is inevitable that this will occur. your best friend for 50 years – there is something you do not like about them. your spouse of 50 years – something that gets to you. your parents – eventually they get on your nerves – and you breed some contempt. as long as we know this is part of human nature – just like hate, love, war, jealousy, greed, kindness, etc – then we know it is a natural thing that is a part of who we are. it is ok if this happens but try to keep it in check or you might find yourself alone one day. just another thing we have to manage as we try to keep our grip and keep our place in society.

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true friends

what is it.  what does it mean.  this is one of the key questions in life.  who are the true friends and who are not.  going past the natural connection part – how do we determine which friends are true.  some say it is an easy answer.  they say true friends are the ones that stick by you through it all.  they don’t abandon you when times are tough.  they don’t forget about you when new friends come along.  they want to be around you and they make an effort.  they ask you questions about yourself and your life – they want to know.  they will go the distance to be there in your most important moments.  they are the people you are most comfortable around.  they give as much as you do and can give more when you give less.  they don’t judge you, even if you stumble.  at the end of the day, a true friend is the one sitting next to you now and in the future.  if they are still there, then you will know if they are a true friend.

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real beauty

the real beauty is there hidden deep below the outer beauty.  you see the outer beauty – you love the outer beauty – you move forward with the outer beauty – it dictates all the early moves in life.  but as time goes on, you start to see the real beauty of a person – you start to see just how beautiful they really are – in the things they do, in the things they say – in all the moves they make in life – in all the action they take – you see their real beauty.  this is the beauty that sustains a relationship, a marriage, a partnership.  you don’t even know that you see this real beauty because you are too close – but then one day it hits you.  you are in love with the real beauty of this person.  they are real and they are with you and they are beautiful.  the outer beauty can wane – but the real beauty flourishes and grows – you see it blossoming higher and higher.  when you see this real beauty – you don’t think about outer beauty as much – you don’t look around as much – you only see the real beauty next to you and you want more and more – there is no reason to look for outer beauty.  look at the person next to you and see the real beauty – see the person that has been through all the ups and downs with you – and see how their real beauty has surfaced and pushed you through these things.  when you know this and see this – you will never look away again.

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high school reunions

reunions are a strange business.  i think they are good but they are definitely a unique animal.  you initially go because you know a few other folks going and you want to see them – so that is all good and that is a good reason to go.  even to see 1 person that you are tight with or used to be tight with – is reason enough to go.  you feel nervous going to the event – you really don’t know who you are going to see – you don’t know what you are going to say.  you do know you might see people that you really didn’t like in high school and they really didn’t like you.  you get there and you say hi to everyone you come in contact with – you are excited to see some folks and others you fall back into the way it was in HS – quick hi and move on.  it is funny how the differences then are still there now.  throughout the event, you are in a frenzied state – you don’t want to miss anyone – you want to make sure you talk to all those you know – you want to reach out to some you might not remember – you want to get the aha moment – yes, i remember you – so you are cruising around – talking, laughing reminiscing – you talk so much and so fast that you forget to eat – and the night goes quick – and then at the end of the night or the next day you feel good but you still feel like you didn’t talk to everyone – you didn’t get to say everything that you wanted to say.  you want to hold on a little longer to those bygone days – you want to feel back in the moment – it is a strange feeling that lingers for days after the event.  you stirred up those old thoughts from 20-30-40 years ago.  you went back in time.  almost a double edge sword – open up the past- relive and reconnect – but deep inside knowing that your time is fading fast.  the good is you can reconnect with a few – you can include them in your life again. you can look at others in a new light – you can make new connections from the ones that you might not have known so well in the past.  this whole thing stirs up unusual emotions but it is worth the effort.  these things only come by a few times in life so don’t miss them all.

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no back and forth

when you talk to someone, there must be a back and forth conversation.  it cannot be a one sided conversation.  you must ask questions and they must ask questions.  you can’t keep “pulling teeth” forever in a relationship.  it is ok to have pauses or silence when with others – that is healthy and normal – even signifying that your friendship has reached a new level of comfort.  but that takes years to reach.  if you have no back and forth conversation at the start of the initial interaction – then this person is not your best fit for friendship.  there must be a natural flow in the early conversations.  if there is not – then give it a few more tries – and if the same scenario – simply move on.  life is way too short to stick around folks that don’t provide a back and forth conversation.  you are not being rude, you are being honest.  it is good for them and it is good for you.

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