familiarity

it does breed contempt – no doubt about it. this is another part of human nature that you cannot control. it is in all of us. even the people closest to us like family – we do not like everything about them – we can’t because no one is perfect and no one can meet every expectation you have. you like every part about them, but there is always one habit or behavior you dislike. the longer you know someone – the longer you are around someone – you will eventually find something that you do not like about them. this is not a bad thing – this is human nature and the “endless” march of time coming together. it is inevitable that this will occur. your best friend for 50 years – there is something you do not like about them. your spouse of 50 years – something that gets to you. your parents – eventually they get on your nerves – and you breed some contempt. as long as we know this is part of human nature – just like hate, love, war, jealousy, greed, kindness, etc – then we know it is a natural thing that is a part of who we are. it is ok if this happens but try to keep it in check or you might find yourself alone one day. just another thing we have to manage as we try to keep our grip and keep our place in society.

true friends

what is it.  what does it mean.  this is one of the key questions in life.  who are the true friends and who are not.  going past the natural connection part – how do we determine which friends are true.  some say it is an easy answer.  they say true friends are the ones that stick by you through it all.  they don’t abandon you when times are tough.  they don’t forget about you when new friends come along.  they want to be around you and they make an effort.  they ask you questions about yourself and your life – they want to know.  they will go the distance to be there in your most important moments.  they are the people you are most comfortable around.  they give as much as you do and can give more when you give less.  they don’t judge you, even if you stumble.  at the end of the day, a true friend is the one sitting next to you now and in the future.  if they are still there, then you will know if they are a true friend.

real beauty

the real beauty is there hidden deep below the outer beauty.  you see the outer beauty – you love the outer beauty – you move forward with the outer beauty – it dictates all the early moves in life.  but as time goes on, you start to see the real beauty of a person – you start to see just how beautiful they really are – in the things they do, in the things they say – in all the moves they make in life – in all the action they take – you see their real beauty.  this is the beauty that sustains a relationship, a marriage, a partnership.  you don’t even know that you see this real beauty because you are too close – but then one day it hits you.  you are in love with the real beauty of this person.  they are real and they are with you and they are beautiful.  the outer beauty can wane – but the real beauty flourishes and grows – you see it blossoming higher and higher.  when you see this real beauty – you don’t think about outer beauty as much – you don’t look around as much – you only see the real beauty next to you and you want more and more – there is no reason to look for outer beauty.  look at the person next to you and see the real beauty – see the person that has been through all the ups and downs with you – and see how their real beauty has surfaced and pushed you through these things.  when you know this and see this – you will never look away again.

high school reunions

reunions are a strange business.  i think they are good but they are definitely a unique animal.  you initially go because you know a few other folks going and you want to see them – so that is all good and that is a good reason to go.  even to see 1 person that you are tight with or used to be tight with – is reason enough to go.  you feel nervous going to the event – you really don’t know who you are going to see – you don’t know what you are going to say.  you do know you might see people that you really didn’t like in high school and they really didn’t like you.  you get there and you say hi to everyone you come in contact with – you are excited to see some folks and others you fall back into the way it was in HS – quick hi and move on.  it is funny how the differences then are still there now.  throughout the event, you are in a frenzied state – you don’t want to miss anyone – you want to make sure you talk to all those you know – you want to reach out to some you might not remember – you want to get the aha moment – yes, i remember you – so you are cruising around – talking, laughing reminiscing – you talk so much and so fast that you forget to eat – and the night goes quick – and then at the end of the night or the next day you feel good but you still feel like you didn’t talk to everyone – you didn’t get to say everything that you wanted to say.  you want to hold on a little longer to those bygone days – you want to feel back in the moment – it is a strange feeling that lingers for days after the event.  you stirred up those old thoughts from 20-30-40 years ago.  you went back in time.  almost a double edge sword – open up the past- relive and reconnect – but deep inside knowing that your time is fading fast.  the good is you can reconnect with a few – you can include them in your life again. you can look at others in a new light – you can make new connections from the ones that you might not have known so well in the past.  this whole thing stirs up unusual emotions but it is worth the effort.  these things only come by a few times in life so don’t miss them all.

no back and forth

when you talk to someone, there must be a back and forth conversation.  it cannot be a one sided conversation.  you must ask questions and they must ask questions.  you can’t keep “pulling teeth” forever in a relationship.  it is ok to have pauses or silence when with others – that is healthy and normal – even signifying that your friendship has reached a new level of comfort.  but that takes years to reach.  if you have no back and forth conversation at the start of the initial interaction – then this person is not your best fit for friendship.  there must be a natural flow in the early conversations.  if there is not – then give it a few more tries – and if the same scenario – simply move on.  life is way too short to stick around folks that don’t provide a back and forth conversation.  you are not being rude, you are being honest.  it is good for them and it is good for you.

don’t react

you will come across many people in your life.  some will do things that you don’t agree with.  some will do things to show that they don’t like you.  don’t try to understand why people don’t like you.  don’t react to things that they do.  this is their problem, not your problem.  you want to say something to them.  you want to understand why they don’t like you.  you want to know what you did to them.  you want to clear things up.  for close friends – go clear it up.  but for acquaintances, don’t bother.  they are an acquaintance for a reason.  the immediate click or connection is not there yet or might not ever be there.  you have noticed that they are moving away from you.  could be something you did or said.  could be their first impression of you or their recent impression of you.  regardless – no need to react to them.  it is better not to say anything.  you have now learned that they are not right for you.  be a very casual acquaintance to them when you come in contact, as sometimes contact cannot be prevented.  so be casual and don’t react.  be happy that you now know which way things are going.  keep your info inside and don’t react.

don’t overthink it

you did it, you said it, you wrote it – this is what you thought at the time – it is done – it is over – you can’t change it – don’t overthink it.  you don’t know how the other person will perceive it.  you meant good.  stop analyzing every word.  stop going back in your mind over and over.  should you change this, should you go back and say this, should you call them, should you re-write what you wrote – just stop.  they are busy with their own lives and with their own problems.  they actually didn’t think twice about what you said, wrote, did – they are too consumed in their own minds, in their own lives.  they are not thinking about you – they are thinking about themselves.  they are in their own world with their own things going on.  they are walking down the street right now thinking about their life.  they are not thinking about you walking down the street.  they are not thinking where are you and what are you thinking.  they are at the center of their world and you are at the center of your world.  so don’t go back and rethink and overthink – don’t go back at all.  just say it, write it, do it – and move on because no one is overthinking about what you said, did or wrote – except you.  so don’t overthink it because it doesn’t matter.

not everyone

not everyone is going to like you.  not everyone wants to be your friend.  not everyone is going to talk to you.  not everyone is going to smile at you.  some will know right away that they don’t like you.  all of this will mess with your mind.  you will try to understand why someone doesn’t like you.  you will try to talk to them.  you will try to be their friend.  but they don’t want to be your friend.  this is life.  this is how things go.  this is reality.  this is something you must understand and move on.  you might struggle for years in your mind.  it will cause you to lose sleep.  it will cause you to stress out.  you have to get past this.  you have to understand that you don’t really want to be everyone’s friend.  you don’t really have to be involved with every event.  besides the fact that it is impossible to try and spend every moment of your life being friends with everyone you meet – it is not a healthy state of mind.  it is not the way things are supposed to be.  you are not supposed to be everyone’s friend.  you are not supposed to like everyone.  not everyone is supposed to like you.  but you are supposed to grow up one day and live with this fact and realize that it is a good thing that not everyone likes you and wants to be your friend.  be happy with the friends you have.  be happy with the people that have chosen you to be their friend.  stop looking at the other side, the other group – and look at what you have in front of you.  be nice to people but move on.  make this happen in your mind.  work on this mindset.

final loop

coworkers come and go – it is a fact of life and a natural flow of life.  in your career, you meet good people, bad people, people you become friends with, people you don’t become friends with – this is all part of work life.  in the cycle, there is always a time when a coworker moves on or when you move on – this is what i call the final loop with a coworker.  you have shared good times, but now those times are over.  you have your final conversation, your final lunch, your final project together, your final walk, your final loop.  you might feel sad or empty when that person leaves or when you leave.  you might look around the office and feel lonely – like there is no one left to talk to, no one left to relate with.  but this is a part of life – saying good-bye to people you might never see again.  you must move on and re-focus and dig deeper into your work.  more folks will come along or you will also move along.  take a minute to reflect about the co-worker or about your experience at the job – and move on.  like anything, don’t live in the past.  do your final loop and look to the future again.  this is what you must do.

click

some people you click with and some people you don’t.  it is really that simple.  but we always try to figure out why we don’t click with someone and we try to click with them.  we try to reach out to them, we try to include them, we try to invite them, we try to talk to them, we try everything to click because we don’t want to believe that we don’t click with this person.  we want to be their friend.  we want to get along with them.  we do all of this because we come in contact with them through friends, relatives, etc.  we even blame ourselves for not clicking.  why don’t we click with this person.  what is wrong with me.  i should be nicer, i should try harder, i should talk to this person more.  but the reality is we will never click with this person.  you either click with people or you don’t.  and if you don’t, then move on.  stop trying, stop wasting your time – there is no click, there is no friendship.  it is not your fault.  it is not their fault.  it is no one’s fault.  you don’t click, move on.  get this in your head – you will not click with everyone – it is impossible.  just be cordial the next time you see them – don’t hold a grudge because you didn’t click – they did nothing wrong but be who they are – and they click with other people – but not you.  move on.