xangst

visions from a treadmill

July 5, 2018

i will not care

I will not care
I will be strong
I will change
I will be calm
I will grow up
I will be an adult
I will be nice
I will look beyond
I will not care anymore
I will be free of all this
I will change to save myself
I will not think of these things
I will move on
I will not dwell
I will not care ever again
End of story

July 3, 2018

stop & free your mind

there is nothing you can do.  stop thinking about everything going on around you.  the funny thing is nothing is really that important.  everything is connected from moment to moment, event to event, experience to experience, interaction to interaction, conversation to conversation, gathering to gathering.  but they are only connections of one thing to another.  you live it and go on.  people don’t think about you and they don’t think about why you did something or did not do something.  they are just there, like you, moving from one thing to another.  at the end of the day, they don’t think about what happened in the past because all that matters is the present and the future and the end.  you will do what you are supposed to do.  so stop thinking about everything and just do it – do what your mind and body will you to do.  free your mind of these thoughts.  walk with a free mind.  don’t force yourself to do anything that your mind does not want you to do.  be natural.  be yourself.  be calm.  stop what you are thinking and free yourself from these thoughts.

May 25, 2018

destiny mindset

you need to make an adjustment to your outlook on the world:

  • your destiny is already planned
  • you don’t need to worry
  • you don’t need to be insecure
  • you don’t need to overthink things
  • you have to let be what will be
  • you can like people
  • you can dislike people
  • you will not connect with all people
  • don’t speak too much
  • know that you are on a path
  • know that whatever you think/feel will not affect your path
  • know that erratic actions could affect your path
  • it is ok to be spontaneous – that is part of the path
  • you are supposed to make last minute changes – all part of the path
  • carrying ill-will or misconceptions about people will not affect your path – so don’t do it
  • release all issues hanging on you
  • be happy
  • be content
  • be kind
  • be caring

May 24, 2018

keep going

just keep going.  that’s it.  don’t stop when you are in the middle of something.  just keep going and you will get there – but only if you don’t stop.  it may seem hopeless and relentless, but if all you do is keep going, then you will be rewarded someday.  if you stop, you get nothing in return.  so if you don’t know what to do – then just keep doing what you are doing – and don’t stop, never stop until the end.  keep going.

April 24, 2018

looking back

it is hard to think about time and space and past and future and even present.  we can never go too deep into these concepts and we struggle to find our place, our peace, our happiness.  we can’t grab this moment right now and hold on to it.  we can say we feel happy right now.  we can look at the sky and the clouds and the trees and we can feel the breeze and the sun right now.  we can say we are in the moment.  we can say that and we can enjoy the moment or moments -but then they are gone and we move to the next present moments – some good, some bad.  so it is frustrating that we can’t hold these present moments forever – we only have fleeting moments – just like time – fleeting.  so all we really have is when we look back in time.  when we look back, we see what we had – we see how good things were – even how much fun we had last weekend or on a recent trip.  in the moment, we are there, doing it – we can think it is good, but we don’t know how good it was until we look back.  when we look back, we see instant good memories and we realize – wow, that was good.  like last week was good – but now it is gone.  but the great thing is every moment and every day can become a wow moment.  the good old days always look good and you think it won’t be the same.  but today will look just as good when you look back as the old days look to you now.  it is a crazy dynamic, but one that actually keeps us loving life – it allows us to then know that every present moment is actually a possible good memory in the future – so the cycle is complete and it is ok if we can’t hold on to the present moment – because coming back around to it when we look back is just as good.

April 11, 2018

birthday=reflection

when you are young, you don’t reflect on birthdays or any day – no need – just live.  but as you get older – as the birthdays pile up and the big day approaches each year – you become apprehensive, you get worried, you lose sleep – and each birthday becomes bitter sweet – yes you are still alive and that is good – but you then start to think about the past and you start to think about the future.  for the past – you look back and see if you are satisfied with what you have done and where you are at 39,49,59,69.  are you happy with where you sit at each birthday – is this what you thought you would be doing.  this then brings on visions of the shortening future – it is no longer halfway – it becomes less than half left – time is running out.  will you reach all of your goals before you die.  you need to use your remaining time wisely – you need finish the job right – you need to get to a point of calmness – you need to stop worrying – you still need so much – but you won’t get it all – you have to start to understand that – you are not exactly where you thought you would be – yes it is good overall – yes it could be better – yes it could be worse – you can reflect too much or too long – no point – time keeps going and so do you.  just get up and do what you need to do, what you want to do, what you have to do.  be with those that are good to you – get rid of the rest.  they are all racing towards the end just like you – not enough room in your mind or their mind for many other thoughts.  the only thought is to keep going.

March 14, 2018

every child is different

you cannot compare one child to the next, you cannot compare one sibling to the next.  each child has his/her own personality.  each child has strengths and each child has weaknesses – just like every other person on this earth.  your sibling is good at this and you are good at that.  you have to recognize your strengths and weaknesses and you have to embrace them.  you cannot compare yourself to others.  you will live the life your are supposed to live.  one might take a traditional path and be very happy – and another might take the path less traveled and be happy.  one might go to this college and one might go to that college – and both can be very happy with their path.  one might take this job and one might take that job – both being happy.  one might live in the country and one might live in the city – both happy.  do not compare yourself to others – because you are not them and they are not you.  otherwise you will be miserable over something you cannot control.

February 15, 2018

we must not hide

so often we want to hide from it all.  we want to stay home and not go out.  we don’t want to see people all the time – we want to be alone or at home with family.  this is ok.  this is a normal feeling.  but why do you see the same people out all the time – always looking happy, always acting like they want to see you.  it is because they make themselves go out into society.  they do this because they like being out in society or to keep themselves in the mix of society – to feel part of something, to have fun, to interact with others, to not be alone.  there are folks that like to be alone, that don’t mind being alone, that like to chill all the time at home, away from society.  this is a good thing if you are happy alone.  but it can lead you to move further and further away from society – which can be detrimental to your well being, to your state of mind.  therefore, even if you are perfectly happy sitting at home, you still must force yourself to go out into society, to be part of groups, to interact with others that you like and dislike.  you must not hide, you must force yourself to go out into the world – to keep your mental health in balance and to face your fears.

February 15, 2018

don’t react

jackasses are everywhere you look – in fact you can look in the mirror as well – because we are all a pain in the ass once in awhile.  but there are those folks that like to push your buttons and make you react.  they want to see you go out of character and fly off the handle – especially in front of groups.  they are the instigators that deliberately think about what to say to get you going.  the first few times, you will fall for it – defending your pride or honor – they know how to get you upset.  you must recognize these jackasses and you must not react.  you must hold your tongue, you must not react, you must keep a calm, happy face, you must fake your feelings towards these people – don’t let them know that your non-reaction is a reaction.  you must not react and then fake a nice reaction.  they do not need to know what you are really thinking.  this is hard to do if you are a person who shows their emotions all the time – and are known for showing emotions.  you must gradually change your reactions.  you must have controlled reactions most of the time and save loose reactions for more intimate friends.  you can do this but you must work at it – you must deliberately put yourself above it all and be more mature in these public situations.  next time – stop, think, don’t react.

January 31, 2018

true friends

what is it.  what does it mean.  this is one of the key questions in life.  who are the true friends and who are not.  going past the natural connection part – how do we determine which friends are true.  some say it is an easy answer.  they say true friends are the ones that stick by you through it all.  they don’t abandon you when times are tough.  they don’t forget about you when new friends come along.  they want to be around you and they make an effort.  they ask you questions about yourself and your life – they want to know.  they will go the distance to be there in your most important moments.  they are the people you are most comfortable around.  they give as much as you do and can give more when you give less.  they don’t judge you, even if you stumble.  at the end of the day, a true friend is the one sitting next to you now and in the future.  if they are still there, then you will know if they are a true friend.