xangst

visions from a treadmill

November 20, 2018

i don’t care

look – you spend your whole life trying to do and say what you want and not caring about what others think.  you want to make everyone happy and you can try – but only your mind will suffer – and the people you are trying to keep happy won’t even know or care because they are also trying to get to the “not caring” stage of life.  of course you care about your family and friends – but at the end of the day or at the end of life – it ain’t them lying there dying – it is you – and only you and your mind.  but before you get there, you need to live your life and you need to do what you want to do.  tell them “no”, tell them the truth, be straight, be forward, don’t waste time going round and round.  don’t rethink things.  say it and move on.  yes, don’t be rude, but just say it like it is – don’t dwell on it.  you must not care what anyone thinks – time is running out.  if people can’t handle you talking straight to them – then they are not worth it.  it is the test of life.  you let them know – “this is what i think and that’s it.”  they get it or they don’t.  this is the test.  you don’t care what other people think and they don’t care what other people think – then it is a match and it will work.  be straight with them – that is the test.  when you run the test, you get closer to not caring and you know who is with you and who is not.  it is simple to understand but not simple to do.

October 19, 2018

you must be content

you must be content with what you have.  you must not wish for the greener grass.  you must stop wishing for anything.  this is the only way you will actually achieve your dreams.  if you wish for love, you will not find it.  if you wish for success, you will not find it.  if you wish for wealth, you will not find it.  stop looking for anything and work on being happy with what you already have – love, family, health, etc.  if you look around, you will see that you are blessed in many ways.  you will never receive beyond what you have until you accept and appreciate what you have.  it is hard to stop wanting more – as this is human nature – to take as much as you can – to get as much as you can – to want what others have.  but you must stop this thinking ASAP.  force yourself to appreciate what you have.  do this and all your wishes and dreams will come true

October 12, 2018

experience with nature

each generation has it’s moments, it’s glory, it’s heyday.  it also has a treasured memory of how things used to be in the past.  it has a connection to nature as well.  nature is a part of every generation growing up.  they see the trees, the wildlife.  they connect with it and wish it would stay forever.  what people saw in 1900 was vast and abundant – it was normal to see so much nature.  what people people saw in 1950 were still many scenes of beautiful nature all around.  at the 2000 mark – nature was still part of the up-bringing experience – and today in 2018 – nature covers many parts of the world – we still connect with nature – even in the suburbs – there are pockets we can look into and get the feeling of being connected to nature.  because we don’t know what it felt like in 1900 to see more nature everywhere – we don’t feel as if we are missing out now.  we still see nature and we think that we are connecting with nature.  regardless of how much nature is left to see, each generation will feel a connection to nature and they will feel like there is still enough nature to see and enjoy.  they will feel this when growing up because this is all they know and see.  but when people are older, they do go back to where they grew up and they will see the difference of nature then and nature now – they will see how nature is shrinking from generation to generation.  but it also won’t affect them that much because they had their time with nature when they were young, no matter how small the natural landscape was compared to previous generations – they felt nature all around them when growing up.  they have the memory of nature and that carries them through life.  but it doesn’t help the fact that nature is dwindling.  it actually hurts the fact that nature is dwindling – because they as individuals have their memory of more nature and that is all they need.  they have no desire to help the nature experience of current or future generations.

August 10, 2018

we have to accept all stages in life

this whole life thing can be confusing and can leave us just sitting there not knowing what to do or what to think about it all.  but i think the one rule of thumb for getting through the idea of thinking about life is to not ponder on it too long.  if we do ponder on why things happen and what is happening – it will leave us frustrated.  this includes all the stages we go through and our kids go through – from youth to adulthood to old age.  it is easier to ponder your own trip through these stages because you are personally living in these stages and you won’t feel sad about going from stage to stage – you will accept it rather quickly.  you will say “wow, it is going fast and i am getting old” – but you will accept it – you have to.  on the other hand – when it comes to accepting your kids going through these same stages – and you are there guiding them through the youth to adulthood stage – it can be more difficult to accept.  you don’t want to see them grow up but you do want them to grow up.  it not only accentuates your own march to the end but it just hits your heart to let go more and more.  that is why we must not ponder on this too much – it will only hurt and confuse us more.  you will ponder a bit – but then quickly move on with life.  this is out of our control so no need to waste too many feelings in this area.  each stage is exciting – so enjoy it, accept it – and don’t ponder for long – not healthy.

July 5, 2018

i will not care

I will not care
I will be strong
I will change
I will be calm
I will grow up
I will be an adult
I will be nice
I will look beyond
I will not care anymore
I will be free of all this
I will change to save myself
I will not think of these things
I will move on
I will not dwell
I will not care ever again
End of story

July 3, 2018

stop & free your mind

there is nothing you can do.  stop thinking about everything going on around you.  the funny thing is nothing is really that important.  everything is connected from moment to moment, event to event, experience to experience, interaction to interaction, conversation to conversation, gathering to gathering.  but they are only connections of one thing to another.  you live it and go on.  people don’t think about you and they don’t think about why you did something or did not do something.  they are just there, like you, moving from one thing to another.  at the end of the day, they don’t think about what happened in the past because all that matters is the present and the future and the end.  you will do what you are supposed to do.  so stop thinking about everything and just do it – do what your mind and body will you to do.  free your mind of these thoughts.  walk with a free mind.  don’t force yourself to do anything that your mind does not want you to do.  be natural.  be yourself.  be calm.  stop what you are thinking and free yourself from these thoughts.

May 25, 2018

destiny mindset

you need to make an adjustment to your outlook on the world:

  • your destiny is already planned
  • you don’t need to worry
  • you don’t need to be insecure
  • you don’t need to overthink things
  • you have to let be what will be
  • you can like people
  • you can dislike people
  • you will not connect with all people
  • don’t speak too much
  • know that you are on a path
  • know that whatever you think/feel will not affect your path
  • know that erratic actions could affect your path
  • it is ok to be spontaneous – that is part of the path
  • you are supposed to make last minute changes – all part of the path
  • carrying ill-will or misconceptions about people will not affect your path – so don’t do it
  • release all issues hanging on you
  • be happy
  • be content
  • be kind
  • be caring

May 24, 2018

keep going

just keep going.  that’s it.  don’t stop when you are in the middle of something.  just keep going and you will get there – but only if you don’t stop.  it may seem hopeless and relentless, but if all you do is keep going, then you will be rewarded someday.  if you stop, you get nothing in return.  so if you don’t know what to do – then just keep doing what you are doing – and don’t stop, never stop until the end.  keep going.

April 24, 2018

looking back

it is hard to think about time and space and past and future and even present.  we can never go too deep into these concepts and we struggle to find our place, our peace, our happiness.  we can’t grab this moment right now and hold on to it.  we can say we feel happy right now.  we can look at the sky and the clouds and the trees and we can feel the breeze and the sun right now.  we can say we are in the moment.  we can say that and we can enjoy the moment or moments -but then they are gone and we move to the next present moments – some good, some bad.  so it is frustrating that we can’t hold these present moments forever – we only have fleeting moments – just like time – fleeting.  so all we really have is when we look back in time.  when we look back, we see what we had – we see how good things were – even how much fun we had last weekend or on a recent trip.  in the moment, we are there, doing it – we can think it is good, but we don’t know how good it was until we look back.  when we look back, we see instant good memories and we realize – wow, that was good.  like last week was good – but now it is gone.  but the great thing is every moment and every day can become a wow moment.  the good old days always look good and you think it won’t be the same.  but today will look just as good when you look back as the old days look to you now.  it is a crazy dynamic, but one that actually keeps us loving life – it allows us to then know that every present moment is actually a possible good memory in the future – so the cycle is complete and it is ok if we can’t hold on to the present moment – because coming back around to it when we look back is just as good.