you can have some confidence when you are born but true confidence needs to grow in a person from when they are young until they are an adult. many times we see kids lacking confidence – this is a natural occurrence. kids not having confidence is normal. they need to see themselves succeed before they can believe in themselves. you might think that kids should have confidence automatically and you might be surprised to see that kids lack confidence as they grow into teens. you can tell them to be confident and to go make it happen. but they often doubt themselves and they doubt what they can achieve. you know they can do it, but they don’t. the only way for kids/teens to gain confidence is to see themselves succeeding and achieving in school or sports or with friends. they will slowly gain confidence but don’t surprised when you first see the lack of confidence – this is part of the normal process of growing up and becoming stronger in every way – gaining confidence as they achieve more – they believe more in themselves.
take what you can get
in life, you rarely get what you think you will get – it is always below your expectations. the problem is you have high expectations – which is a good thing – to wish and work for more. i don’t want to say lower your expectations. keep your expectations high as it keeps your optimism high and it keeps your positive energy high – it keeps you happy – which is the key to life – staying positive through ups and downs – and keeping happy. but when you do get something less than what you were expecting – you do feel let down – you do feel like you should have got more – you do feel confused and deflated a bit. this will happen when you have a vision of the future and it is filled with big rewards or windfalls – those high expectations we keep. however, you should feel good for getting something – as it is always better than getting nothing. look at the positive side of things – you did get rewarded for your work and effort – though it wasn’t the big win you were expecting – you got something and you should be grateful. you should see this as success and you should be happy and ready for the next opportunity that comes from this success. so bottom line is – life is tough and we rarely get everything we want – so be happy for the wins (no matter how big or small) – because you have made progress and should be happy, grateful and ready for what’s next. take what you can get and be happy. stop complaining for what you didn’t get.
you need to make an adjustment to your outlook on the world:
- your destiny is already planned
- you don’t need to worry
- you don’t need to be insecure
- you don’t need to overthink things
- you have to let be what will be
- you can like people
- you can dislike people
- you will not connect with all people
- don’t speak too much
- know that you are on a path
- know that whatever you think/feel will not affect your path
- know that erratic actions could affect your path
- it is ok to be spontaneous – that is part of the path
- you are supposed to make last minute changes – all part of the path
- carrying ill-will or misconceptions about people will not affect your path – so don’t do it
- release all issues hanging on you
- be happy
- be content
- be kind
- be caring
just keep going. that’s it. don’t stop when you are in the middle of something. just keep going and you will get there – but only if you don’t stop. it may seem hopeless and relentless, but if all you do is keep going, then you will be rewarded someday. if you stop, you get nothing in return. so if you don’t know what to do – then just keep doing what you are doing – and don’t stop, never stop until the end. keep going.
you must reform. everyone must reform to make it all the way. we go along carelessly for many years and reality finally hits you. you then must reform your old ways – in every area. you must make adjustments – you can’t go on recklessly forever – you won’t make it. we are all forced to reform one way or another – we just don’t realize it. and when we reform, we also conform, we fall into trusted habits, to survive, to get to the finish line the way we want to – with dignity still intact, with pride still intact, with family still intact. reform is not a choice, it is forced upon you – as you see the tide rising, the waves crashing higher, the light growing dimmer – you know that you have to change your habits – you see the trouble coming – so you do what human nature tells you to do – you reform, you adjust, you change your ways. this is not a bad thing – this is a good thing, especially if you can see it earlier – and not too late. but even if too late, you can still save some face. in any area of your life where you see troubling signs – start to reform – it is the only answer.
the armadillo effect
we need to avoid the armadillo effect. this is an effect that can come across all of us. we go out into this world – we are brave, we are fearless. that is all good. we need to be brave, we need to be fearless – in order to see the world, to explore the world – to learn from our experiences. this is a must to progress, to eventually succeed. but what we must not do is fall under the armadillo effect. this is when you are so confident that you let your guard down. you think nothing will happen to you, you think nothing will harm you. you think you are invincible. this can lead to great harm coming your way. this can lead to an early grave. you can be brave, you must be fearless – but don’t be naive to think that you don’t need to be alert – that you don’t need to keep an eye out – that you don’t need to watch out for trouble. this is the armadillo effect and it can kill you. the armadillo walks casually across a busy road. the armadillo does not try to avoid traffic. the armadillo does not care about being in harm’s way. the armadillo does not rely on judgement. the armadillo is not alert and ready for trouble. the armadillo only relies on fate. the armadillo is often run over. don’t be run over. don’t fall under the spell of the armadillo effect. stay alert until the end. the difference is literally a matter of life or death.
when you are a kid, you need to gradually figure out how to discipline yourself in the study area – and create good study habits. these study habits will carry over to your work life. you need to allot certain hours of the day to study. you need to study more in the daytime than in the nighttime – or this will create a bad cycle of less sleep, less study, etc. you need to stay away from cell phones, etc. during the week -limit your time using the phone during the week – save it for the weekend. you need to create a fun-work balance – this carries over to the real world down the road. you need to quickly see that social life should not outweigh study-life. you need to see this on your own or you need to be made to see this. the mantra is study more in the daytime and use less data. you are smart enough to do very well but you still must take time to study and do the things you must do to succeed.
it is strange when you realize that your spirit is being broken – by another person, relationship, job, etc. it is a strange feeling when you cannot express your thoughts, ideas, feelings anymore. they are not needed, they are discarded, they are ignored – so you feel the spirit breaking and you just close your mouth and accept what is going on around you. you still go through the motions and you still do what is expected – but you also realize that the spirit is in the process of being broken. if you have to stay in the current spirit-breaking situation – you have 2 choices – let the spirit break and become a different person or don’t let the spirit break, but quietly adapt to the situation. you have to be strong to fight against the spirit breaking process. but you can do it. the 1st step is to realize that this process is happening. when you realize, you can then control yourself. you need to stay in this situation for now – you know that. if you don’t – simple – get out. but let’s assume you need to stay for now. so, realize what is going on, then start to protect the spirit – keep it tucked away – back in your mind and soul. you then need to function without the spirit – almost like a robot. do what you are supposed to do – take all emotion out – go day by day – and relax when away from the situation – be yourself so that you don’t change. but when in the situation, be the robot, be the person that is required to keep things going. the last thing to do is think about how to get out of the situation when you are ready. stay in it as long as you need to – then prepare to get out. you must get out in the end – otherwise no sense in protecting the spirit. you are protecting the spirit so that you can set it free again – to be yourself again 100%. this is not new – people have to do this all the time. so do it and keep your unbroken spirit safe.
the arnold lesson
there are many reasons why benedict arnold did what he did. but one of the key reasons was his need for money. he was tight for money, he had debt piling up, he could barely provide for his family, he was desperate and stressed out. he didn’t see a way out of his troubles – he only saw everything closing in around him. he started to think like a desperate man – looking to do anything to get back on his feet fast. he was not patient. he was not tolerant. he was not loyal. he was not faithful. he was not trustworthy. he was not stable. he was not steady. he was not logical. he was not reasonable. he turned against everything he believed to get out of trouble fast. and this is the key lesson that arnold provides to the rest of us. we hear of tragedy, desperation and failure every day. these are things that have become commonplace in our world. every minute of every day someone gives up. they see their world closing in around them, just like arnold did. they look frantically for a way out fast and they are willing to give up everything they have ever believed to get quickly out of their troubles. this is the arnold way of thinking. this is the wrong way of thinking. right now you could be facing troubles. right now you could believe that your world is closing around you. you want to give up or you want to do things that you are not supposed to do – to get out of these troubles. but you must never give up and you must always stay the course. you must be patient and you must be tolerant and you must be steady in your actions and you must be loyal to your principles. you must not throw it all away to find a quick fix. you will get out of these troubles only if you keep going and never give up. arnold made the wrong move and his lesson has served as a good reminder of what not do to. apply the arnold lesson to your life. things will get better if you only keep going and don’t give up.
you need to keep putting the sandbags on the wall to keep the wall from breaking. this is what we do in life – we keep putting more and more sandbags on the wall. we must not let the wall break, we must find more sandbags, we must never give up on this one task. if we can’t find more sandbags and we can’t keep fortifying the wall – then the wall will crack and break and everything will come tumbling down upon us. this is the most dire of events that leads to the most drastic life changes – the loss of your house, the loss of your job, the loss of your family, the loss of your hope, the loss of a life – these are the things that happen when we stop putting sandbags on the wall of life. you must always search for sandbags – this search never stops until the day you die. if you keep searching and you keep trying, you will find those sandbags and you will help keep the wall intact. yes, cracks will appear in the wall – this is life. but, you must never let the wall collapse altogether. you must do what you have to do to keep the wall up and to keep the sandbags coming. a perfect wall does not exist – everyone must find sandbags to stop the cracks from getting bigger. whether it is a financial burden that is causing the cracks or an emotional burden – you must not stop what you are doing – you must tolerate the people and events around you to keep the sandbags coming – you must put up with things you want to give up on – you must tolerate being around people that you don’t want to be around. you must be calm and patient and tolerant – for the sake of keeping the wall together. you must do these things and you must learn to live through these things. that is why they say life is hard – because we all have to do things that we don’t want to do in order to keep the sandbags coming to keep each of our own walls from tumbling down.