looking back

it is hard to think about time and space and past and future and even present.  we can never go too deep into these concepts and we struggle to find our place, our peace, our happiness.  we can’t grab this moment right now and hold on to it.  we can say we feel happy right now.  we can look at the sky and the clouds and the trees and we can feel the breeze and the sun right now.  we can say we are in the moment.  we can say that and we can enjoy the moment or moments -but then they are gone and we move to the next present moments – some good, some bad.  so it is frustrating that we can’t hold these present moments forever – we only have fleeting moments – just like time – fleeting.  so all we really have is when we look back in time.  when we look back, we see what we had – we see how good things were – even how much fun we had last weekend or on a recent trip.  in the moment, we are there, doing it – we can think it is good, but we don’t know how good it was until we look back.  when we look back, we see instant good memories and we realize – wow, that was good.  like last week was good – but now it is gone.  but the great thing is every moment and every day can become a wow moment.  the good old days always look good and you think it won’t be the same.  but today will look just as good when you look back as the old days look to you now.  it is a crazy dynamic, but one that actually keeps us loving life – it allows us to then know that every present moment is actually a possible good memory in the future – so the cycle is complete and it is ok if we can’t hold on to the present moment – because coming back around to it when we look back is just as good.

birthday=reflection

when you are young, you don’t reflect on birthdays or any day – no need – just live.  but as you get older – as the birthdays pile up and the big day approaches each year – you become apprehensive, you get worried, you lose sleep – and each birthday becomes bitter sweet – yes you are still alive and that is good – but you then start to think about the past and you start to think about the future.  for the past – you look back and see if you are satisfied with what you have done and where you are at 39,49,59,69.  are you happy with where you sit at each birthday – is this what you thought you would be doing.  this then brings on visions of the shortening future – it is no longer halfway – it becomes less than half left – time is running out.  will you reach all of your goals before you die.  you need to use your remaining time wisely – you need finish the job right – you need to get to a point of calmness – you need to stop worrying – you still need so much – but you won’t get it all – you have to start to understand that – you are not exactly where you thought you would be – yes it is good overall – yes it could be better – yes it could be worse – you can reflect too much or too long – no point – time keeps going and so do you.  just get up and do what you need to do, what you want to do, what you have to do.  be with those that are good to you – get rid of the rest.  they are all racing towards the end just like you – not enough room in your mind or their mind for many other thoughts.  the only thought is to keep going.