reunions are a strange business. i think they are good but they are definitely a unique animal. you initially go because you know a few other folks going and you want to see them – so that is all good and that is a good reason to go. even to see 1 person that you are tight with or used to be tight with – is reason enough to go. you feel nervous going to the event – you really don’t know who you are going to see – you don’t know what you are going to say. you do know you might see people that you really didn’t like in high school and they really didn’t like you. you get there and you say hi to everyone you come in contact with – you are excited to see some folks and others you fall back into the way it was in HS – quick hi and move on. it is funny how the differences then are still there now. throughout the event, you are in a frenzied state – you don’t want to miss anyone – you want to make sure you talk to all those you know – you want to reach out to some you might not remember – you want to get the aha moment – yes, i remember you – so you are cruising around – talking, laughing reminiscing – you talk so much and so fast that you forget to eat – and the night goes quick – and then at the end of the night or the next day you feel good but you still feel like you didn’t talk to everyone – you didn’t get to say everything that you wanted to say. you want to hold on a little longer to those bygone days – you want to feel back in the moment – it is a strange feeling that lingers for days after the event. you stirred up those old thoughts from 20-30-40 years ago. you went back in time. almost a double edge sword – open up the past- relive and reconnect – but deep inside knowing that your time is fading fast. the good is you can reconnect with a few – you can include them in your life again. you can look at others in a new light – you can make new connections from the ones that you might not have known so well in the past. this whole thing stirs up unusual emotions but it is worth the effort. these things only come by a few times in life so don’t miss them all.
Category: Friends
no back and forth
when you talk to someone, there must be a back and forth conversation. it cannot be a one sided conversation. you must ask questions and they must ask questions. you can’t keep “pulling teeth” forever in a relationship. it is ok to have pauses or silence when with others – that is healthy and normal – even signifying that your friendship has reached a new level of comfort. but that takes years to reach. if you have no back and forth conversation at the start of the initial interaction – then this person is not your best fit for friendship. there must be a natural flow in the early conversations. if there is not – then give it a few more tries – and if the same scenario – simply move on. life is way too short to stick around folks that don’t provide a back and forth conversation. you are not being rude, you are being honest. it is good for them and it is good for you.
don’t react
you will come across many people in your life. some will do things that you don’t agree with. some will do things to show that they don’t like you. don’t try to understand why people don’t like you. don’t react to things that they do. this is their problem, not your problem. you want to say something to them. you want to understand why they don’t like you. you want to know what you did to them. you want to clear things up. for close friends – go clear it up. but for acquaintances, don’t bother. they are an acquaintance for a reason. the immediate click or connection is not there yet or might not ever be there. you have noticed that they are moving away from you. could be something you did or said. could be their first impression of you or their recent impression of you. regardless – no need to react to them. it is better not to say anything. you have now learned that they are not right for you. be a very casual acquaintance to them when you come in contact, as sometimes contact cannot be prevented. so be casual and don’t react. be happy that you now know which way things are going. keep your info inside and don’t react.
don’t overthink it
you did it, you said it, you wrote it – this is what you thought at the time – it is done – it is over – you can’t change it – don’t overthink it. you don’t know how the other person will perceive it. you meant good. stop analyzing every word. stop going back in your mind over and over. should you change this, should you go back and say this, should you call them, should you re-write what you wrote – just stop. they are busy with their own lives and with their own problems. they actually didn’t think twice about what you said, wrote, did – they are too consumed in their own minds, in their own lives. they are not thinking about you – they are thinking about themselves. they are in their own world with their own things going on. they are walking down the street right now thinking about their life. they are not thinking about you walking down the street. they are not thinking where are you and what are you thinking. they are at the center of their world and you are at the center of your world. so don’t go back and rethink and overthink – don’t go back at all. just say it, write it, do it – and move on because no one is overthinking about what you said, did or wrote – except you. so don’t overthink it because it doesn’t matter.
not everyone
not everyone is going to like you. not everyone wants to be your friend. not everyone is going to talk to you. not everyone is going to smile at you. some will know right away that they don’t like you. all of this will mess with your mind. you will try to understand why someone doesn’t like you. you will try to talk to them. you will try to be their friend. but they don’t want to be your friend. this is life. this is how things go. this is reality. this is something you must understand and move on. you might struggle for years in your mind. it will cause you to lose sleep. it will cause you to stress out. you have to get past this. you have to understand that you don’t really want to be everyone’s friend. you don’t really have to be involved with every event. besides the fact that it is impossible to try and spend every moment of your life being friends with everyone you meet – it is not a healthy state of mind. it is not the way things are supposed to be. you are not supposed to be everyone’s friend. you are not supposed to like everyone. not everyone is supposed to like you. but you are supposed to grow up one day and live with this fact and realize that it is a good thing that not everyone likes you and wants to be your friend. be happy with the friends you have. be happy with the people that have chosen you to be their friend. stop looking at the other side, the other group – and look at what you have in front of you. be nice to people but move on. make this happen in your mind. work on this mindset.
final loop
coworkers come and go – it is a fact of life and a natural flow of life. in your career, you meet good people, bad people, people you become friends with, people you don’t become friends with – this is all part of work life. in the cycle, there is always a time when a coworker moves on or when you move on – this is what i call the final loop with a coworker. you have shared good times, but now those times are over. you have your final conversation, your final lunch, your final project together, your final walk, your final loop. you might feel sad or empty when that person leaves or when you leave. you might look around the office and feel lonely – like there is no one left to talk to, no one left to relate with. but this is a part of life – saying good-bye to people you might never see again. you must move on and re-focus and dig deeper into your work. more folks will come along or you will also move along. take a minute to reflect about the co-worker or about your experience at the job – and move on. like anything, don’t live in the past. do your final loop and look to the future again. this is what you must do.
click
some people you click with and some people you don’t. it is really that simple. but we always try to figure out why we don’t click with someone and we try to click with them. we try to reach out to them, we try to include them, we try to invite them, we try to talk to them, we try everything to click because we don’t want to believe that we don’t click with this person. we want to be their friend. we want to get along with them. we do all of this because we come in contact with them through friends, relatives, etc. we even blame ourselves for not clicking. why don’t we click with this person. what is wrong with me. i should be nicer, i should try harder, i should talk to this person more. but the reality is we will never click with this person. you either click with people or you don’t. and if you don’t, then move on. stop trying, stop wasting your time – there is no click, there is no friendship. it is not your fault. it is not their fault. it is no one’s fault. you don’t click, move on. get this in your head – you will not click with everyone – it is impossible. just be cordial the next time you see them – don’t hold a grudge because you didn’t click – they did nothing wrong but be who they are – and they click with other people – but not you. move on.
thank you notes
i have an idea. think back across your life and think about all the people you have met – then think specifically about the people that made a difference in your life – that did something for you to make your life better – that did you a favor without expecting anything in return. you can narrow it down to the big events or milestones in your life. who helped you reached that milestone? who helped you do that event? who were the key people that helped shape who you are today. now sit down and write each of them a brief thank you note – just thanking them for the exact thing they did to help you. it doesn’t have to be a long letter – just a quick note. they will be pleasantly surprised and you will feel good that you let them know that you have not forgotten what they did and you never will. get those notes and do it now – before it is too late.
ok to say no
this is a struggle we all go through in life. our natural instinct is to say yes to everything because we don’t want to disappoint anyone – especially friends, family. so when asked to do things or go somewhere – we say yes, yes, yes. when you are young – it is ok to say yes because you don’t want to miss anything and you want to fit in. but be cautious that you do not go too far down the peer pressure path and do things that could be dangerous. as you get older, you still look to please – so you still say yes – but then you start to think that you don’t really want to do this or that – but you feel that if you say no, you might lose ground with that person and eventually harm the relationship. however, you also start to realize that life is way too short to say yes to everything – and that time is running out – and that you need to start picking and choosing what you will do and who you will do it with – you want the choices to be based on this idea – do what YOU want to do – don’t say yes to please people. so it is ok to say no – because you have to live for you and not anyone else. if a person is offended because you said no, then they are not a true friend – and will not be there at the end of the day anyway. it is ok to say no – and once you start saying no, then you will feel liberated – and it will become easier to say no more and more. this applies mostly to friends and not family. family is another animal – you need to do things even if you don’t want to – it is your family obligation and duty.
mistakes happen
we all make mistakes – we know that. we might say or do something in the spur of the moment that we could regret later. we might have made the wrong decision when a friend asked us to do something – and you feel like you didn’t come through for that friend – you let them down by the choice you made. but at the moment your gut told you to do what you did – you went with instinct – so in effect you were not wrong – but in the process you let someone down. from that point the only thing you can do is tell your friend that you didn’t mean to let them down – you just went with your gut and maybe you made a mistake. you have to move on and let the chips fall where they may. if it is a true friend, then all will be good. if not, then that is the way it goes because if you were to do it all over again, you would rely on your gut and make the same decision. this is life and mistakes happen – all we can do it accept what happened – try to repair any problems that came from it – and move on. do not dwell – this was supposed to happen and you are meant to move on. you are who you are and you can only try to make the right choice in the future – but when you make that choice, you will always make the choice that is in your favor – it is human nature – you can’t go against your instinct when making decisions because if you do – you will not be you anymore – you will be what others want you to be – and in the end we are alone in this world and we have to stick up for ourselves and what we believe is the right thing to do.