i know it is hard, but we need to try and control people less.  when you try to control the actions of another person so that they fit the mold in your mind –only trouble can come from it.  if it is in your nature to control things –you need to break away from this natural inclination when it comes to people you love.  do not try to control them –let them figure things out for themselves because they do know what is the right thing to do –without you trying to tell them all the time or control them all the time.  you love them for many things that do not need control –and then you try to control a few things that you want changed, etc.  stop doing this.  i know it is hard to break these habits that have formed in your mind. you see an ideal in your mind and you want to live by that ideal and you want others to live by your ideal as well.  though it might be a good ideal –you might turn it into a negative ideal when you try to control folks.  ease back a bit and let things happen naturally.  if they love you, then they will try to please you by trying to live up to your ideal –just like you will try to live up to their ideals.  this is the way you create balance in a relationship. try to live up to each other’s ideals, but do not push and try to control things to reach these ideals.  a balance can be achieved if the understanding that each will try without control.  get it?  everything is a work in progress –so start slow.  that’s what I do.