when you are young, you don’t reflect on birthdays or any day – no need – just live. but as you get older – as the birthdays pile up and the big day approaches each year – you become apprehensive, you get worried, you lose sleep – and each birthday becomes bitter sweet – yes you are still alive and that is good – but you then start to think about the past and you start to think about the future. for the past – you look back and see if you are satisfied with what you have done and where you are at 39,49,59,69. are you happy with where you sit at each birthday – is this what you thought you would be doing. this then brings on visions of the shortening future – it is no longer halfway – it becomes less than half left – time is running out. will you reach all of your goals before you die. you need to use your remaining time wisely – you need finish the job right – you need to get to a point of calmness – you need to stop worrying – you still need so much – but you won’t get it all – you have to start to understand that – you are not exactly where you thought you would be – yes it is good overall – yes it could be better – yes it could be worse – you can reflect too much or too long – no point – time keeps going and so do you. just get up and do what you need to do, what you want to do, what you have to do. be with those that are good to you – get rid of the rest. they are all racing towards the end just like you – not enough room in your mind or their mind for many other thoughts. the only thought is to keep going.
every child is different
you cannot compare one child to the next, you cannot compare one sibling to the next. each child has his/her own personality. each child has strengths and each child has weaknesses – just like every other person on this earth. your sibling is good at this and you are good at that. you have to recognize your strengths and weaknesses and you have to embrace them. you cannot compare yourself to others. you will live the life your are supposed to live. one might take a traditional path and be very happy – and another might take the path less traveled and be happy. one might go to this college and one might go to that college – and both can be very happy with their path. one might take this job and one might take that job – both being happy. one might live in the country and one might live in the city – both happy. do not compare yourself to others – because you are not them and they are not you. otherwise you will be miserable over something you cannot control.
we must not hide
so often we want to hide from it all. we want to stay home and not go out. we don’t want to see people all the time – we want to be alone or at home with family. this is ok. this is a normal feeling. but why do you see the same people out all the time – always looking happy, always acting like they want to see you. it is because they make themselves go out into society. they do this because they like being out in society or to keep themselves in the mix of society – to feel part of something, to have fun, to interact with others, to not be alone. there are folks that like to be alone, that don’t mind being alone, that like to chill all the time at home, away from society. this is a good thing if you are happy alone. but it can lead you to move further and further away from society – which can be detrimental to your well being, to your state of mind. therefore, even if you are perfectly happy sitting at home, you still must force yourself to go out into society, to be part of groups, to interact with others that you like and dislike. you must not hide, you must force yourself to go out into the world – to keep your mental health in balance and to face your fears.
don’t react
jackasses are everywhere you look – in fact you can look in the mirror as well – because we are all a pain in the ass once in awhile. but there are those folks that like to push your buttons and make you react. they want to see you go out of character and fly off the handle – especially in front of groups. they are the instigators that deliberately think about what to say to get you going. the first few times, you will fall for it – defending your pride or honor – they know how to get you upset. you must recognize these jackasses and you must not react. you must hold your tongue, you must not react, you must keep a calm, happy face, you must fake your feelings towards these people – don’t let them know that your non-reaction is a reaction. you must not react and then fake a nice reaction. they do not need to know what you are really thinking. this is hard to do if you are a person who shows their emotions all the time – and are known for showing emotions. you must gradually change your reactions. you must have controlled reactions most of the time and save loose reactions for more intimate friends. you can do this but you must work at it – you must deliberately put yourself above it all and be more mature in these public situations. next time – stop, think, don’t react.
true friends
what is it. what does it mean. this is one of the key questions in life. who are the true friends and who are not. going past the natural connection part – how do we determine which friends are true. some say it is an easy answer. they say true friends are the ones that stick by you through it all. they don’t abandon you when times are tough. they don’t forget about you when new friends come along. they want to be around you and they make an effort. they ask you questions about yourself and your life – they want to know. they will go the distance to be there in your most important moments. they are the people you are most comfortable around. they give as much as you do and can give more when you give less. they don’t judge you, even if you stumble. at the end of the day, a true friend is the one sitting next to you now and in the future. if they are still there, then you will know if they are a true friend.
enthusiasm
it is hard to explain. it is the question asked forever by everyone. it is embedded deep in the human mind and soul. it is why we all live or die. it challenges us every day. it never relents. it is the up and down of life. it is happiness. brought to the public forefront many years ago, happiness is truly what we all strive for – but there is no such thing as constant happiness. we must accept that we will not always be happy – all the time. yet this is hard to do. we want to be happy all the time. we think it is the way to live. but once we accept that this is impossible, we must continue to remind ourselves of this very fact. we must understand that not being happy all the time is the natural way. we will have down times, so what we need to do is keep up our enthusiasm for life. knowing that life is not all roses, we need to keep the spark of life alive. we must not let the trials of life beat us down. we must remember we are alive right now – we are not dead yet – and while we are alive we must force ourselves to keep up our zest for life – we must keep that zest going – the same zest we had when we were younger. it was easier then but now it is harder – so you need to work harder to not let the spark die. like everything, you must never quit, never give up -and that goes for your zest for life too. keep it going. keep up your enthusiasm no matter what. if you don’t, then you lose a part of who you are.
reform
you must reform. everyone must reform to make it all the way. we go along carelessly for many years and reality finally hits you. you then must reform your old ways – in every area. you must make adjustments – you can’t go on recklessly forever – you won’t make it. we are all forced to reform one way or another – we just don’t realize it. and when we reform, we also conform, we fall into trusted habits, to survive, to get to the finish line the way we want to – with dignity still intact, with pride still intact, with family still intact. reform is not a choice, it is forced upon you – as you see the tide rising, the waves crashing higher, the light growing dimmer – you know that you have to change your habits – you see the trouble coming – so you do what human nature tells you to do – you reform, you adjust, you change your ways. this is not a bad thing – this is a good thing, especially if you can see it earlier – and not too late. but even if too late, you can still save some face. in any area of your life where you see troubling signs – start to reform – it is the only answer.
real beauty
the real beauty is there hidden deep below the outer beauty. you see the outer beauty – you love the outer beauty – you move forward with the outer beauty – it dictates all the early moves in life. but as time goes on, you start to see the real beauty of a person – you start to see just how beautiful they really are – in the things they do, in the things they say – in all the moves they make in life – in all the action they take – you see their real beauty. this is the beauty that sustains a relationship, a marriage, a partnership. you don’t even know that you see this real beauty because you are too close – but then one day it hits you. you are in love with the real beauty of this person. they are real and they are with you and they are beautiful. the outer beauty can wane – but the real beauty flourishes and grows – you see it blossoming higher and higher. when you see this real beauty – you don’t think about outer beauty as much – you don’t look around as much – you only see the real beauty next to you and you want more and more – there is no reason to look for outer beauty. look at the person next to you and see the real beauty – see the person that has been through all the ups and downs with you – and see how their real beauty has surfaced and pushed you through these things. when you know this and see this – you will never look away again.
no rest
there is no rest. it is a myth in life. you think you can rest. you think you can relax. you think we work to rest. you think we get time to rest. you think we have time to relax. you think you have time reflect. you are mistaken. this is an illusion. even when you do sleep in, you are still tired. yes, you sleep. yes, you do rest when you sleep. but, you are not conscious so you are not aware that you are resting. because time is always moving, you don’t have time to stop and rest. time pushes you along like a treadmill that never stops and that you can never get off until the end. this is why rest is an illusion. it is something we tell ourselves that we are doing. we are resting, but we are really not resting. it is because of this that we never feel rested. we search our whole lives for this rest, for this peaceful feeling of resting. but because time moves, we can never catch up and actually rest. and we never figure this concept out either. our mind wants to rest, but the mind is restless too – like time is restless. so, the only thing we can do is find peace in the little activities that make up the whole of the day. we can rest while we are working. we can rest while we are running. we can rest while we are reading. we can rest while we are watching TV. we can rest while we are on the web. you must find rest in the active moments of the day. this is where you will find peace. this is where you can find the answer to rest. it is in non-stop conscious activity where we can find rest. understand that and you can understand how to rest.
death again
death is everywhere. it is a part of life but not a part of life. it is in the very back of everyone’s mind – but never really thought about. it happens all the time and it happens more around you as you get older. you get the usual deaths with the grandparents, then parents. but you also get random deaths of people dying before they get older. they are living just like you – they don’t think about death, they are too young. then one day they are dead – in 30s, 40s, 50s – thinking they would live to 70s, 80s, 90s – but they didn’t – and they only realize that fact in the last split second of their life – when they know it’s over way too soon and they didn’t do everything that they wanted to do – they ran out of time. it only leaves all of us thinking about death again – but we can’t really comprehend our own death. we think we have more time – and we will think that until the last split second comes. why do some people die younger. when you read their headstone, you will do the quick math and think – they were too young to die. everything they did is soon forgotten. you think about them for awhile but then you shift back to your own life and your own death. we will never be able to articulate death – it is just one of those things. you can talk about it, you can ask why, but you never really understand. all you can do is live.