Happiness – xangst

parents fight about the kids

once the kids go off to college or jobs – and leave the nest – you then start a new phase in your life. it is bittersweet for sure – but you get used to it and the empty nest is not that bad at all. the kids need to create their own lives as well – this is life and we must accept it.

but one thing starts to stand out when the kids are gone – you and your spouse fight less. now why is that? it is because the kids are not around. there has always been that issue where you and your spouse can have different opinions when raising the kids – about all kinds of things. you think one thing and your spouse thinks another. this leads to arguments – in front of the kids.

the funny thing is once they leave the nest – you fight less but then when the kids are back home visiting – you pick right back up with arguing about the kids – in front of the kids. this also happens on the phone. many times – the kids will come with questions and issues about their lives – they want help, they want opinions from the parents. once again you start to argue about your opinion, etc.

what can we do? someone has to step back and stop the arguing – and maybe talk to the kids separately. it might be the best choice and it might be the natural choice. talk to the kids separately sometimes – it’s ok to have your own conversations with the kids. the kids can then talk to both of you separately and form their own opinion. it might just save the marriage and is a step you can take that is easy and obvious. make the adjustment.

see things with fresh eyes

to appreciate what we have in life, we must look at things with fresh eyes once in awhile. we always think about how our life can be better – how we can have better things – a better house, a better car, a better neighborhood, etc.

we don’t realize that we already have many of those things.

as time goes on, the things you have lose their luster and you get used to seeing those things every day -so you start to think – why can’t i have something else – something that is better than what i have right now. but in reality – we already have these things

how can you tell? – try the fresh eyes trick. when you drive into your neighborhood, pretend like you have never been there before. look at the streets, houses and trees like it is the first time you are looking at them. do this when you drive up to your home – look at it like it is the first time that you have seen this home. look at these things from a new objective perspective.

you will be shocked! you will say – wow, look at this neighborhood – look at this house – just like you did when you really did see them for the first time.

you will then see how lucky you are already. stop wanting for things that you already have – be grateful.

maintain a macro level view

we must maintain a macro level view most of the time to keep things in order in our lives and to keep sane.

many times, we take the micro level view on things – we look at things very closely and we look at them over and over and over – and we over analyze all the time. these are all micro level views – which we do need to make decisions and to help move us forward in life.

micro and macro views on life work together to create a fulfilled and satisfying life. but many times we stay in the micro view too long on certain things -which can last days, weeks, months or years. this is not healthy and can lead us down rabbit holes that are hard to come back from – to the macro level again.

always start at the macro level with all things that you are thinking about. then go to the micro level to create your analysis and decision. but once that decision is made – quickly move back to the macro level and maintain the macro level view as your normal every day view.

if you get stuck in the micro level view – then force yourself out of that view

always go back to the macro level for sanity and clarity in life – it’s the only way to get down the road the right way

we must overcome our weaknesses

we will be challenged in the mind. we will have thoughts that are negative. we will have thoughts that are bad. we will have thoughts that are not in our best interest. we will have thoughts that will try to lead us in the wrong direction.

these are all the challenges of the mind. these are the thoughts of every human to ever live. these are the trial and tribulations of life. these are the thoughts that will cause us stress and give us pause to think about our path, our life, our choices. these are the thoughts that make us who we are, make us who we become and decide how we are remembered.

it is the battle of strength against weakness. will we be strong and push these thoughts out of our mind to reach our true destiny or will we be weak and take the negative path to a negative outcome.

we must fight to be strong. we must overcome our weaknesses

we must win the battle in our minds to fight against our weaknesses

20-40 years

once you hit 50 years old – that’s all you have left to live – 20-40 years if you are lucky. so think about life that way. think to yourself – “i have 20-40 years left in my life – and that’s it”

when you start to give a damn about what people think about you – think 20-40

when you start to care if you are not included in events, etc – think 20-40

when you have people that don’t reciprocate a friendship – think 20-40

when people don’t have time for you – think 20-40

when people don’t ask questions about your life – think 20-40

when people think they are better than you – think 20-40

when people show off – think 20-40

when people are rude to you – think 20-40

That’s it! 20-40 years left! so why do you give a shit about any of these things, when in 20-40 years, you will be dead!

in other words – do what makes you happy, do what makes your family happy, do whatever you want – and stop caring about anything else because in 20-40 years – you will be dead and the world will go on without you – and in a couple of generations, no one will know your name – live YOUR damn life the way you want to live it – and the sooner you figure this out, the sooner you will stop caring about things that don’t matter and you will stop worrying all the time – and you might actually do more with your life!

goodbye – nothing else to say here – the message is crystal clear!

i don’t care – part 1

we must all reach this stage in life – where we say and believe “i don’t care” – but it is very hard to reach 100%. when we are young, we care about everything and everyone. we want everyone to like us. we want to go to every event – we want to be a part of everything. FOMO drives us crazy. we think that everyone is thinking about us – that they care about us – that they care about what we are doing. so we care about them – we think about them – we want to be with them or be like them. we think that we are special and that is why people should think and care about us.

this is especially true for people born in the last half of the 1900’s. society turned more towards the “me” movement – with the baby boomers opening up their minds – believing they were special and then pitching this concept to their kids – with future generations cementing this idea into the fabric of western society through the family interaction. now we have a fully immersed society that only thinks about me,me,me – and this is further enhanced with the internet and social media. so instead of evolving away from the “me” society and the “i don’t care” attitude – where we can free our minds to live our lives without extra mental stress – we instead see a society that has more mental illness and depression. these issues are a direct result of the “me” movement filled with self indulgence, self importance, and arrogance. this is why we see more lashing out by teens, more violence, more people taking medication, etc.

what do we do? how do we break this cycle? society, as a whole, cannot break the cycle, because the roots are not at the society level but more at the individual level – where it started. as individuals, we don’t rely on society change to live our own lives – we rely on our own experiences and thoughts to live our individual lives. so we must make change at the individual level.

the first step is saying “i don’t care”

saying “i don’t care” –
-frees your mind
-helps you live your own life
-gives you self power
-removes mental anguish
-provides more focus
-allows you to live in the moment
-allows you to focus on the real people in your life
-gives you a reason not to care about everyone and everything

you must be content

you must be content with what you have. you must not wish for the greener grass. you must stop wishing for anything. this is the only way you will actually achieve your dreams. if you wish for love, you will not find it. if you wish for success, you will not find it. if you wish for wealth, you will not find it. stop looking for anything and work on being happy with what you already have – love, family, health, etc. if you look around, you will see that you are blessed in many ways. you will never receive beyond what you have until you accept and appreciate what you have. it is hard to stop wanting more – as this is human nature – to take as much as you can – to get as much as you can – to want what others have. but you must stop this thinking ASAP. force yourself to appreciate what you have. do this and all your wishes and dreams will come true

be grateful

be grateful for what you have right now in your life – it’s really all you ever need

looking back

it is hard to think about time and space and past and future and even present. we can never go too deep into these concepts and we struggle to find our place, our peace, our happiness. we can’t grab this moment right now and hold on to it. we can say we feel happy right now. we can look at the sky and the clouds and the trees and we can feel the breeze and the sun right now. we can say we are in the moment. we can say that and we can enjoy the moment or moments -but then they are gone and we move to the next present moments – some good, some bad. so it is frustrating that we can’t hold these present moments forever – we only have fleeting moments – just like time – fleeting. so all we really have is when we look back in time. when we look back, we see what we had – we see how good things were – even how much fun we had last weekend or on a recent trip. in the moment, we are there, doing it – we can think it is good, but we don’t know how good it was until we look back. when we look back, we see instant good memories and we realize – wow, that was good. like last week was good – but now it is gone. but the great thing is every moment and every day can become a wow moment. the good old days always look good and you think it won’t be the same. but today will look just as good when you look back as the old days look to you now. it is a crazy dynamic, but one that actually keeps us loving life – it allows us to then know that every present moment is actually a possible good memory in the future – so the cycle is complete and it is ok if we can’t hold on to the present moment – because coming back around to it when we look back is just as good.

enthusiasm

it is hard to explain. it is the question asked forever by everyone. it is embedded deep in the human mind and soul. it is why we all live or die. it challenges us every day. it never relents. it is the up and down of life. it is happiness. brought to the public forefront many years ago, happiness is truly what we all strive for – but there is no such thing as constant happiness. we must accept that we will not always be happy – all the time. yet this is hard to do. we want to be happy all the time. we think it is the way to live. but once we accept that this is impossible, we must continue to remind ourselves of this very fact. we must understand that not being happy all the time is the natural way. we will have down times, so what we need to do is keep up our enthusiasm for life. knowing that life is not all roses, we need to keep the spark of life alive. we must not let the trials of life beat us down. we must remember we are alive right now – we are not dead yet – and while we are alive we must force ourselves to keep up our zest for life – we must keep that zest going – the same zest we had when we were younger. it was easier then but now it is harder – so you need to work harder to not let the spark die. like everything, you must never quit, never give up -and that goes for your zest for life too. keep it going. keep up your enthusiasm no matter what. if you don’t, then you lose a part of who you are.