don’t say 90% of what you are thinking. thoughts come into your mind every second. do this, do that, say this, say that. you think so much that you have to learn not to blurt out your thoughts while you are eating – don’t talk with your mouth full. you want to say something as soon as it comes into our mind so that you don’t forget what you just thought. you even pause the tv to say something – knowing that it will be gone if you continue to watch. you want to get your point across. you want to talk all the time. and most of us do talk all the time. but at some point, you have to stop talking all the time. as you get older, you just get tired of talking all the time. this helps you stop talking all the time – getting older. in fact, you must try to not say 90% of what you are thinking. most of what you are thinking can be a negative against other people. you do think positive thoughts as well, but we all think negative thoughts almost as much. it is because you are used to a certain way, a certain person, a certain look, a certain everything. so when you see something outside of your norm – you automatically go to the negative – why do they look like that, why do they talk like that, who do they think they are, etc. it could even be when interacting with a loved one – you want to voice your opinion, but sometimes it can be a cruel opinion. so stop before you speak and screen out 90% of what you about to say to someone. this is evolving, this is growing wiser, this is how you stay ahead in life. you might even listen more and you might show real interest in what other people have to say.
Tag: life
the wall of the 40s
if you have run a marathon or know about marathons, then you know that in every marathon, there is a wall. this is a wall that you must bust through in order to go on and finish the race successfully – which means crossing the finish line. everyone knows the analogies between life and marathons – the idea that life is a marathon. if you can live your life like you run a marathon, then there is a good chance you can make it through with some success and satisfaction. but it is very hard to think and live in these terms. how can you look at life, think of it as a marathon, and then act in the way a marathon is run. it is hard to do. you are in the moment and you want to jump, shout, talk, move, etc. you don’t want to be patient, calm, reserved, etc. – like you would in a marathon. but in reality, you must learn to think and act this way – no matter what. you will do it on your own or you will be forced to do it – to live life like a marathon. this brings us to the wall of every marathon and of every life. it is there waiting for you to bust through or not bust through. and this wall sits in your 40’s. the 40’s is the most challenging decade. you are through the experimental 20’s, the getting used to adulthood 30’s, the fun 40th birthday time period. time starts to run out and you can just start to see the end of the tunnel – years down the road, but now you notice it. you have the most burdens in life – kids, bills, middle marriage years, career challenges, time flying by very fast, kids moving to the exit, prep for college costs, retirement only 20 yrs away – it is a crazy time. this is why the 40’s represent the wall of life’s marathon. this is why you must recognize the wall, this is why you must keep moving and bust through the wall. knowing that the wall is there and that it is supposed to be there during this time – will help you get through it. all marathoners know the feeling of getting through the wall and they know how hard it is to get through the wall. you can either keep running through the wall or stop and walk through the wall. either way – see the wall, recognize the wall, get through the wall. it should be better on the other side – just like in the marathon race.
you have to be bored
what can you do. you have hit the mid-life phase. you have family, wife to work for. you can’t just quit your job. you have to keep working no matter what – to keep the train going. you also want to see your family as much as possible. you don’t want a job that has you traveling all over. you want to grab these fleeting days/weeks/months/years with your kids before they fly the coop for good. you have to make that your main focus. to do this, you must sometimes do jobs that are not as exciting as the ones you had in the past. the jobs that were in the big city – things were moving fast. you never watched the clock. you had less stress in all areas. kids were very young – stared at them all weekend – they were the entertainment. now they are growing up – becoming more expensive – you want to see them as often as possible – so you stay in your current job. this is to pay the bills – to see them – to keep things going – until they go to college. you have to make sacrifices. you have to be bored with your job – you have to accept the boredom – you have to accept the monotony of the job. you have to get that check every 2 weeks. you have to suck it up and keep going. you have to do this for the family. this you must learn. you can’t just jump from job to job. you have to be precise in your movements. you have to be precise in your judgement. you have to be methodical in your jumping. you have everything hanging on you. they are not letting go – they are getting heavier by the year. you must slog on. you must be bored. you have to be bored. it is a marathon. be bored, push on – change will come when the time is right or when you wake up one day and say enough is enough. but do you really have a choice. yes, but only a calculated choice now – no more missteps – you can’t afford it now. maybe later.
don’t overanalyze
don’t overanalyze the relationships that you are in – especially your main relationship with your wife, husband, significant other. if you overanalyze every little thing that is said or every little thing that happens in the relationship – then you will not have that relationship much longer. so often we wear down the people we love with continuous analyzation – this happens all the time and it leads to many break-ups. the other person is there because you love them and they love you – for who you are and for who they are. they are not there for you to analyze them. yes, you can question things. yes, you can disagree. yes, you can dispute things. but, no, you cannot analyze them over and over. you cannot analyze everything they say and do. this is not the way a relationship should be. stop overanalyzing them right now – or the end will come. they put up with your continuous analyzation because they love you. but one day they will take no more and it will be over. stop yourself from asking too many questions and from overanalyzing everything. stop yourself. don’t overanalyze.
daily happiness
you must have daily happiness to get through life. you must have things in every day that you look forward to. you must have at least 1 thing per day that you look forward to. this is key to getting through life relatively happy. it can be eating lunch, it can be watching a tv show, it can be doing a workout or taking a run, it can be reading a book, it can be seeing someone, it can be helping someone, it can be the drive home, it can be doing things at work – it can be any of these things. but the important thing is that you have at least 1 thing to look forward to – that you enjoy doing – that gets you from one day to the next. if you have nothing to look forward to each day – then you must deliberately put something on your schedule that you know you want to do and you must do that thing every day. human nature says that you have naturally figured this out already – but if you are in a rut and don’t have this figured out – go figure it out now – right now. waiting and mulling through life makes no sense. why are you here – but to enjoy some things in life – and to enjoy some things in life every day. do it now.
close your mouth sometimes
why do you continue to open your mouth in social settings and say stupid things. this is a problem that we all face. things just come out when in conversation and then you later think – why did i say that. you might talk trash about another person or say something that will upset the person you are talking to. you need to learn to keep your mouth closed and not say everything you are thinking. i get it – you want to keep the conversation going. you want to keep the conversation interesting – so you fill it up with things best left unsaid. foot in mouth over and over. it is very hard to learn how not to put your foot in your mouth. but in casual conversation, just tow the line – take the high road – keep it clean – tell yourself over and over – don’t talk trash, don’t say what will hurt others, don’t gossip. you need to constantly remind yourself – don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t say it. you will feel better and you will be a better person. this is one of the fundamental things in life that we all deal with – but others will start to evolve and will learn not to open their mouth all the time. on the other hand – don’t be a staring mute with an air of superiority – that is actually worse. so stay in the middle and learn to close your mouth sometimes. do it, do it, do it!
you must give in
after time, after you get older – there are some things you must stop fighting about. you must give in and stop unnecessary fighting with your spouse. your old self says keep fighting for your point. your old self keeps pushing you to talk about the budget and talk about what things cost. stop doing this. if you need something, buy it. there is no need to quote the budget as an excuse. just give in before the fight and buy it. you need it, buy it. stop useless fighting. just get in your car, drive and buy it. why fight about what you need. why go down a path of fighting over something you need to buy – something you need for the house or the family. it has to happen whether you fight about it or not. just give in and do it. believe it or not – this is evolving even though it feels like you are being broken down. you are not giving up – you are giving in to the inevitable – without all the fuss you used to go through. you have seen the light and it is a shorter path to happiness and less fighting. realize there is no use in fighting over certain things – just say it sounds good, give in and move on. this is another level of understanding yourself that you have reached. congrats, you found the path forward. give in and grow up.
nothing you can do
you know how things happen all the time. these are things that come up and cause you worry, trouble, money, fixing, cleaning, etc. and you know how they never really go away. you might get a pause here and there. but then bam! down goes the fridge. time to buy new clothes. you need that new car. sprinklers broken. get your nails done. buy those school photos. need a family trip. the AC just went out. you got stuck with extra tixs to a game. time to pay for braces. all that money going to college savings. the water bill jumped up. new tires for safety. you went over your monthly data plan. halloween costumes. spring break coming up. buy that gift for another bday party. the unexpected wedding invite – write that check for the new couple. you have always fretted about all of these things that never seem to end. but then one day you realize that they never will end until your final day here. so what is the point of getting upset. just accept it – now that you realize it – and your life will be easier. you will lose less sleep. there is nothing you can do, so relax and accept this fact. clear your mind for other things.
the beat down
we have all been beaten down by someone at some point in our lives. this is not a physical beat down, but a mental, emotional beat down. to be beaten down is to harass, subdue, or crush the spirit of – as defined in the dictionary. these defined words are quite accurate. people can crush your spirit, they can harass you, they can subdue you – they can make you not care as much as you normally would about a relationship, a task or a job. we have all felt this way on the job. your opinion doesn’t matter – just do what we say and we will crush your spirit in the meantime. keep doing your job, but do it better because what you are doing is not enough. why do we continue to take this beat down – because we need the money, we need the job, we are too lazy to look for another job, we think things will get better, we think the company will hit the big time one day and we will all benefit – but we just have to endure the beat down to get there. many could not do what you do. they would have walked out on day 2. but you can take the beat down. you have learned to accept it because you have another life outside of work and that life keeps you going – it keeps you happy – but the beat down can occasionally spill into your happy life, causing some problems – but not enough to affect it too much – not enough to quit. you actually like what you are doing at work – but you must endure the beat down to stay there. sometimes you want to quit – sometimes they want to fire you – but it doesn’t happen and you keep going – day after day, week after week, month after month – and then year after year. you get used to it – they get used to you. it becomes normal – but it is not normal. you do learn how to cope better – you do learn how to be patient – you do learn how to be calm. that is all good – but don’t let the beat down break your spirit – it can crush it but not break it. you need to get through at the end – stronger, wiser – and with the same zest for life. you will endure the beat down as long as you are supposed to endure it – and not one day longer. all results will be good because the next phase won’t have the beat down. this is your time to endure the beat down – so suck it up, evolve, and move on.
no certainty
there is no certainty that you will be alive tomorrow. we all know this, but we don’t think about this concept all the time. we don’t dwell on the fact that we will all die at some point in the future. and why would you dwell on this. you wouldn’t and you shouldn’t. but we are reminded on a regular basis that people die all of the time. and as we grow older and as we know more people directly or indirectly – we will know more and more people who will die. we wake up some days and are slapped in the face with another death of someone we know. it is especially a shock if that person is younger. if that person is a child or teenager or even in their 20’s, 30’s, 40’s – it is a grave shock that we can barely comprehend. we don’t know why this would happen or how it could happen – but it happens and it will never stop happening. you might go awhile between deaths, but they will eventually come again. all we can do is pray for the family affected and pray that it will not happen to your family. but we ultimately have no control over when it will happen. this is why we have to live for now. we have to look long and hard at our loved ones. we have to take it all in. we have to try and pause the present. we have to let things go. we have to forgive. we have to stop fighting. we have to enjoy each other. we have to do this and we have to do that. we have to just be. we have to move on and move forward. we have to stop analyzing everything. we have to be thankful for what we have and not be jealous of what others have. we have to be comfortable in our own skin. stop thinking so much and just live. another death will come and you must think about living your life now – because one day someone will hear about your death. live for what you have now. that is all you have or will ever have. now.