i am beginning to believe that this is all part of human nature. we don’t want to be mean –it just happens. and most of the time it happens in our own mind –so the rest of the world doesn’t even hear us being mean or they rarely know that we are being mean. you see someone or hear someone saying something–and your mind quickly goes into action –and sometimes the thoughts that come into your mind are mean and critical thoughts about that person –it might even be “that was a stupid thing to do –what a dope”. but most of the time you don’t say it aloud. so the reality is we are all mean to other people at some point or another –and this is due to human nature and to your experiences in life. it could be as simple as bad manners. you were brought up with the best manners, for example, and you see someone chewing with their mouth open –and you immediately go to mean thoughts in your mind –but you do not say anything. this is the most common example of being mean –you say these mean thoughts in your mind and the only thing you need to worry about is your self-guilt for saying these things. you tell yourself–“don’t think those mean things about people –be a better person”. the 2nd phase is the hard one –where you think mean thoughts and then you say them aloud –immediately altering the image of yourself in the eyes of others. they start to think –“that is a mean person” –and thus your reputation as a mean person grows and you soon find yourself alone or hanging out with other mean people. this is the hardest thing to master –almost to the point of changing your personality a bit. if you are a hyper person like i am, then your mind races faster than your mouth and sometimes things slip out –because you want to make your comment right away –you often skip the part of making sure the comment is a good one to say aloud. i do this all the time–at least once a week–where i say a stupid comment and think to myself –oh, shit! –did i just say a mean comment aloud. but i have made some progress –i do find myself going through the comments in my mind and then skipping over them and not saying them aloud –knowing that they would hurt someone. but i am not out of the woods yet –it must come with older age –where patience sets in and you begin to understand that it is better to listen most of the time rather than speak all the time. each close call i have makes me think more about this process. i need to slow down a bit and have fewer missteps -i need to practice more.
Category: Life
the gut
is what it is all about. You live by it, you die by it. If your gut says do this or do that – then do it. The gut will not steer you wrong- it will steer you right. You must listen to the gut, it is the truth, it is the only truth in your life. If you don’t listen to your gut then you will make mistakes in life. Sometimes the gut can actually speak out of your mouth. You will feel something from the gut first and then you will speak the thought of the gut. When this happens, you know the gut is right and you must listen to exactly what you are saying because you are really saying this to yourself. And of course you know yourself better than anyone or anything. And if you don’t listen to what you are saying to yourself, then you might as well not listen to anything. The trick is getting in tune with your gut. You have to figure out when your gut is telling you something. It will always be there in the background of every feeling and every action in life and most of the time it doesn’t have to shout- you make the right choice without a wake up call. But then every so often, you need to be shouted at if something is not right – hey wake up and make a change because whatever you are doing is not cool with the gut, and if it is not cool with the gut, then you are in trouble- so listen to your gut and get out of trouble.
motivation
Money should not motivate you. You must want to do something because you like doing this something. This is where true motivation comes from –from doing something you like and want to do. This is how you will achieve what you want to achieve –whether it is a small something or big something –the motivation must be real and connected to your willingness to want to do this thing. It cannot come from wanting to reap the benefits of doing this thing. These things are not real –they are wishes of material objects –these are not the true motivators –these are only what comes from achieving something through true motivation. Do not motivate yourself to get these material things –only motivate yourself to achieve a task –and only do this because you like or want to do this –and that you like the feeling of succeeding when doing this task. It is only then that you will achieve everything you desire, including material objects. Get it?
it passes quickly
ok–listen to me very closely. and don’t put this in your cliché file. live in that moment –turn up the music, have a good laugh, take that first sip of beer or wine very slowly, look out across the ocean, stare at your kid’s face, squeeze those little arms a bit, take it in man, take it in very slowly. it all passes too quickly and before you know it — the game is over!
foot in mouth
you do it. i do it. we all do it. we insert the foot in the mouth quite often. i did it this weekend again! i said a rude comment in discussion with a good friend –not at them, but just probably not the right choice of words. i felt bad. then again, i am not sure that i offended the person –because nothing was said back to me. it was just my mind saying –whoa –shouldn’t have said that word. we can all be rude or crude once in awhile –it happens. apologize if we need to –and move on. it is what it is. it’s done. nothing you can do about it now. if you lose a friend, then probably not a true friend to begin with. you are who you are —but –you can think a bit more before inserting foot next time. this is the hardest thing to learn –don’t talk just to talk. keep your mouth closed –think –then talk. it is hard. it is almost impossible. you get on a conversation roll –then Boom! –you say something stupid. foot in mouth. you offended someone again! i am moving on from my comment this weekend. if they don’t like me –i’m sorry. it is what it is and i am who i am. take it or leave it.
smelling the roses
what is this all about? we all want to stop and smell the roses –but what does it really mean? we take time to pause while we are doing something fun –to register that moment in our minds –to try to soak it in and say –“this is what life is all about” —- yes–we can do this and we have done this –for the very point of saying to ourselves that we are stopping and smelling the roses –we want to grab that moment in time and hold onto it for as long as possible. like when we grab our little girl’s hand and we hold it tight –so that we can remember what it feels like to hold that little precious hand –because we know or some come to realize that every moment is fleeting –that we can stop and take in the moment, but it has to pass –it is inevitable that it will pass –that we can’t hold onto it forever. time goes on, people grow older –and all we have is that moment where we tried to stop and smell the roses –and the only reason we remember that moment is because we told ourselves that this was the moment where you stopped to remember. if we don’t stop –we go through life with the same moments –but we didn’t soak in the moment as long as we should have –but the moments are all gone soon and all we have left is a memory and the future. we can stop and smell, but we cannot take anything tangible with us. it is a strange dichotomy –like life and death. what is the point?
focus
when you run a race, you need to focus. you need to win the battle between your mind and your body. if you are not having a leisurely run and you are running to beat a certain time –then you must focus. you cannot look around at all the trees and houses –you cannot look at the spectators –you cannot look and admire the other runners –you must stay focused, you must think only about the run, you must think only about the next mile, you must think only about the bridge, you must think only about the finish, you must think only about the beer at the end. if you want to push your hardest and if you want to make your best effort –you must focus. you must keep your head down and only see the goal at the end –no stopping –keep going –and this precise focus will deliver you to your goal. this is the same for work –keep your head down and keep your focus –then your goal will be reached.
every decision you make
is damn important. every decision you make now will inevitably be the answer to a question in the future –so make wise decisions. the key is to make sure that you like the answer and that is signifies a pattern of no regrets because many decisions only happen during certain times. for example –if you do not choose to get a family dog when the kids are young –then you miss out on that experience that you can only get when the kids are young –having your kids grow up with a dog. one day the question will come up from your kids –“how come we did not have a dog growing up?” the answer will not be the one you like –why didn’t you? make those decisions carefully so you do like the answers in the future.
frustration
it is frustrating when people in the family do not get along. but this obviously happens in every family and has happened forever –it is, inevitably, human nature to have conflict and conflicting feelings about one another –especially with the in-law thing. it is cliché and because it is cliché, it is expected. but even though it is expected, it is still very frustrating and oftentimes catches one off-guard –it was not expected. what was expected was that everyone would get along and live happily ever after. of course, not to be –but not realized until it comes out on to the table and is seen by all. but you adapt and move on –you must change your feelings a bit –you must still look to the good times of the past, but also to the changing times of the future –nothing is ever the same–and it is frustrating. the people you thought you knew all of your life suddenly reveal who they really are –as an individual –apart from the family –this is who they actually are –not the perfect image that has lived so long in the mind. but hopefully you can remake that image –but it is difficult because there are new players on the scene –which makes everything more complex. as we progress in life, like a play, the interaction becomes more complex due to new characters arriving and changing things –and this can cause original players to be put off –and not able to adapt –thus conflict ensues and causes frustration.
excuses
why do people give excuses before they even review the task ahead of them? i can’t stand it. this is the one thing in life that gets to my very core. what is this natural human instinct to give an excuse? i don’t understand it. here is the task, please go do it. but, we have to do this and this and this to achieve this task –and there is no way we can complete the task in the time alloted. okay, and your point is? do you just not want to do the task? is that what is driving this train of thought? why do you immediately go to the potential roadblocks? why don’t you look at in a positive light –that the completion of this task might help your progress? and then why do i get so upset with these type of answers? i tend to lose my cool a bit in these scenarios. i revert to my urge to say –“just do it!” how do i overcome these urges to bark back at excuses? this is a tricky road for me to travel as it could hinder my own advancement –by being very direct when I say –“stop the excuses and do the job” –some people can’t handle this approach and want to stick to the excuses –it is their nature and it is then up to the boss to learn how to manage these individuals in a different way–in a way that is not natural to the individual that just wants to get things done and not have to argue through each and every step of the process. maybe i will just never meld with these types of folks –the ones that look at the negative of everything–that this is too hard and why are we doing this. maybe these types of interactions will always occur and there is no way around them –I just need to learn how to approach them. excuses and people with excuses will always exist.