we all get into routines. we all need routines. you need a routine to stay on track. you need a routine to stay sane. a routine is good for your physical and mental health. without routines, we would be lost. it is the natural flow of life to fall into routines. once the routine is set, we don’t need to think about it. you fall into a routine without even noticing. life is made up of a series of routines. a routine determines what you do in life and when you do things in the day, the week, the month, the year and throughout your life. the routine controls most of your actions. but sometimes routines can cause conflicts. this happens when people think that you are trying to control a situation or a decision, especially in a relationship – when it might just be that you are letting your routine guide you. you are not trying to control everything, you are following your routine – and sometimes that can be seen as control, not routine. look at what you are doing and see if it is part of your routine – and you are not deliberately trying to exert control over someone else’s life. you should align your routines with your partner’s routines – to avoid conflict and misunderstanding. if you are a good match and have similar interests, then the routines should naturally align. but if conflict arises, just refer to the routines and see if that is the issue. if it is not, then you might be trying to control someone.
Category: Life
the wall of the 40s
if you have run a marathon or know about marathons, then you know that in every marathon, there is a wall. this is a wall that you must bust through in order to go on and finish the race successfully – which means crossing the finish line. everyone knows the analogies between life and marathons – the idea that life is a marathon. if you can live your life like you run a marathon, then there is a good chance you can make it through with some success and satisfaction. but it is very hard to think and live in these terms. how can you look at life, think of it as a marathon, and then act in the way a marathon is run. it is hard to do. you are in the moment and you want to jump, shout, talk, move, etc. you don’t want to be patient, calm, reserved, etc. – like you would in a marathon. but in reality, you must learn to think and act this way – no matter what. you will do it on your own or you will be forced to do it – to live life like a marathon. this brings us to the wall of every marathon and of every life. it is there waiting for you to bust through or not bust through. and this wall sits in your 40’s. the 40’s is the most challenging decade. you are through the experimental 20’s, the getting used to adulthood 30’s, the fun 40th birthday time period. time starts to run out and you can just start to see the end of the tunnel – years down the road, but now you notice it. you have the most burdens in life – kids, bills, middle marriage years, career challenges, time flying by very fast, kids moving to the exit, prep for college costs, retirement only 20 yrs away – it is a crazy time. this is why the 40’s represent the wall of life’s marathon. this is why you must recognize the wall, this is why you must keep moving and bust through the wall. knowing that the wall is there and that it is supposed to be there during this time – will help you get through it. all marathoners know the feeling of getting through the wall and they know how hard it is to get through the wall. you can either keep running through the wall or stop and walk through the wall. either way – see the wall, recognize the wall, get through the wall. it should be better on the other side – just like in the marathon race.
you have to be bored
what can you do. you have hit the mid-life phase. you have family, wife to work for. you can’t just quit your job. you have to keep working no matter what – to keep the train going. you also want to see your family as much as possible. you don’t want a job that has you traveling all over. you want to grab these fleeting days/weeks/months/years with your kids before they fly the coop for good. you have to make that your main focus. to do this, you must sometimes do jobs that are not as exciting as the ones you had in the past. the jobs that were in the big city – things were moving fast. you never watched the clock. you had less stress in all areas. kids were very young – stared at them all weekend – they were the entertainment. now they are growing up – becoming more expensive – you want to see them as often as possible – so you stay in your current job. this is to pay the bills – to see them – to keep things going – until they go to college. you have to make sacrifices. you have to be bored with your job – you have to accept the boredom – you have to accept the monotony of the job. you have to get that check every 2 weeks. you have to suck it up and keep going. you have to do this for the family. this you must learn. you can’t just jump from job to job. you have to be precise in your movements. you have to be precise in your judgement. you have to be methodical in your jumping. you have everything hanging on you. they are not letting go – they are getting heavier by the year. you must slog on. you must be bored. you have to be bored. it is a marathon. be bored, push on – change will come when the time is right or when you wake up one day and say enough is enough. but do you really have a choice. yes, but only a calculated choice now – no more missteps – you can’t afford it now. maybe later.
nothing you can do
you know how things happen all the time. these are things that come up and cause you worry, trouble, money, fixing, cleaning, etc. and you know how they never really go away. you might get a pause here and there. but then bam! down goes the fridge. time to buy new clothes. you need that new car. sprinklers broken. get your nails done. buy those school photos. need a family trip. the AC just went out. you got stuck with extra tixs to a game. time to pay for braces. all that money going to college savings. the water bill jumped up. new tires for safety. you went over your monthly data plan. halloween costumes. spring break coming up. buy that gift for another bday party. the unexpected wedding invite – write that check for the new couple. you have always fretted about all of these things that never seem to end. but then one day you realize that they never will end until your final day here. so what is the point of getting upset. just accept it – now that you realize it – and your life will be easier. you will lose less sleep. there is nothing you can do, so relax and accept this fact. clear your mind for other things.
everything but
riches. if you have everything but riches. if you have everything but wealth. if you have everything but financial security. if you have everything but you have debt. if you have everything but peace of mind. if you have everything but you have worries. if you have everything but you have doubt. if you have everything but you have an uncertain future. if you have everything but you have bills. if you have everything but not enough savings. if you have everything but not enough money for retirement. if you have everything but not enough money to move to a bigger house. if you have everything but not enough money for an expensive car. if you have everything but not enough money for name brand clothes. if you have everything but not enough money for elaborate trips. if you have everything but not enough money to stop working. if you have everything but not enough money to join a country club. if you have everything but not enough money to remodel your house. if you have everything but you always have to worry about money – then you have everything you will ever need and you are very lucky. if not getting rich is the worst thing that ever happens to you – then you struck the life lottery. congrats!
be calm
always. being calm is a state of mind. being calm is a way of life. being calm is one of the hardest things to master in life. one might never reach a state of complete calmness, but one should always strive to reach this state. even when you are striving you will practice being more calm. to remain calm under all circumstances is to allow the events play out in life they way they are meant to be played out. to remain calm is to admit that your destiny is already planned and that to remain anything but calm is a mistake that you must try to correct. you must be calm in the storms of life. no matter what goes on around you, no matter how hopeless things can seem, no matter if you appear to be going nowhere, no matter if you doubt what you are doing, no matter if you don’t understand why things are happening or not happening the way you thought they would happen – you must remain calm. you must think about this all the time so that it becomes second nature. you must keep moving and you must remain calm while you keep moving through life. to be calm on the inside will allow you to appear calm on the outside. others will approach you and they will try to upset your state of being calm. this will be the main challenge to your efforts to remain calm. you must then be as calm as you can ever wish to be. you must take things in stride and trust the bigger picture that is in motion. it is easy to remain calm when you are alone in a room. the hard part is to remain calm when others come into your orbit. if you can remain calm when challenged by others, then you can get closer to the state of complete calmness. practice being calm and be ready for the challenges to come – because they will come. your state of being calm determines your whole direction in life.
grouchy when older
no one knows what a person has gone through in life except that person. when you come across an older person and that person is grouchy you wonder why are they grouchy. you might know some things about that person and this will give you an idea of why they might be grouchy when they are older. this person is obviously unhappy and they have seen their life as not going the way they wanted or expected. they then become grouchy all of the time and it affects the people around them. but because they are older, you let most of it go. but it does start to put a lasting stain on all of the good memories you have had with that person over the years. you try to talk to them – to tell them to not worry so much and to enjoy the time they have left. but in reality you can’t convince them to be happy – there is no use in trying because their mind is already set into being sad, upset, worrisome and grouchy. they might be happy here and there but it is too late to change their mindset – it has been in the making for decades and has now come out to the world as grouchy. it is sad to see but you can’t really do anything about it except hold your tongue and try not to agitate them. you can also learn from them. this is a lesson to you – that if you are lucky to reach the ripe old age that they have reached remember to not be grouchy – to not diminish all the strong family relationships you have in place – and have worked so hard at over the years. don’t be that grouch. enjoy your loved ones and stop feeling sorry for yourself and thinking about only you all the time. think about the younger people in your family and be happy for them. stop being selfish and stop being grouchy. stop it right now before it is too late.
now and later
there are so many things in life that are obvious and so many things that are not obvious. one thing that is obvious and overstated is that we have to live in the moment- we have to live now and not live for what we want to happen in the future. this is because we are only capable of living now and we better live now because we don’t know when now will end – and not knowing when now will end only makes living in the now even more important. so with that understanding – I want to put one more layer on top. it is simply this – live in the now like there is no tomorrow, but still keep your dreams of the future alive – don’t let those hopes/wishes/ideas go – you need them to carry on anyway. only know that one day your future dreams may connect with the life you are living today. that connection could happen and then you could feel complete – you could feel fulfilled. or that connection might not happen, but you could still feel good about the life you have lived because you chose to live for the moment and not live for the future. so either way – whether you connect the present with the future or you do not – just live for today and the result will still be good.
don’t overthink it
you did it, you said it, you wrote it – this is what you thought at the time – it is done – it is over – you can’t change it – don’t overthink it. you don’t know how the other person will perceive it. you meant good. stop analyzing every word. stop going back in your mind over and over. should you change this, should you go back and say this, should you call them, should you re-write what you wrote – just stop. they are busy with their own lives and with their own problems. they actually didn’t think twice about what you said, wrote, did – they are too consumed in their own minds, in their own lives. they are not thinking about you – they are thinking about themselves. they are in their own world with their own things going on. they are walking down the street right now thinking about their life. they are not thinking about you walking down the street. they are not thinking where are you and what are you thinking. they are at the center of their world and you are at the center of your world. so don’t go back and rethink and overthink – don’t go back at all. just say it, write it, do it – and move on because no one is overthinking about what you said, did or wrote – except you. so don’t overthink it because it doesn’t matter.
not everyone
not everyone is going to like you. not everyone wants to be your friend. not everyone is going to talk to you. not everyone is going to smile at you. some will know right away that they don’t like you. all of this will mess with your mind. you will try to understand why someone doesn’t like you. you will try to talk to them. you will try to be their friend. but they don’t want to be your friend. this is life. this is how things go. this is reality. this is something you must understand and move on. you might struggle for years in your mind. it will cause you to lose sleep. it will cause you to stress out. you have to get past this. you have to understand that you don’t really want to be everyone’s friend. you don’t really have to be involved with every event. besides the fact that it is impossible to try and spend every moment of your life being friends with everyone you meet – it is not a healthy state of mind. it is not the way things are supposed to be. you are not supposed to be everyone’s friend. you are not supposed to like everyone. not everyone is supposed to like you. but you are supposed to grow up one day and live with this fact and realize that it is a good thing that not everyone likes you and wants to be your friend. be happy with the friends you have. be happy with the people that have chosen you to be their friend. stop looking at the other side, the other group – and look at what you have in front of you. be nice to people but move on. make this happen in your mind. work on this mindset.