being mean

i am beginning to believe that this is all part of human nature.  we don’t want to be mean –it just happens.  and most of the time it happens in our own mind –so the rest of the world doesn’t even hear us being mean or they rarely know that we are being mean.  you see someone or hear someone saying something–and your mind quickly goes into action –and sometimes the thoughts that come into your mind are mean and critical thoughts about that person –it might even be “that was a stupid thing to do –what a dope”.  but most of the time you don’t say it aloud.  so the reality is we are all mean to other people at some point or another –and this is due to human nature and to your experiences in life.  it could be as simple as bad manners.  you were brought up with the best manners, for example, and you see someone chewing with their mouth open –and you immediately go to mean thoughts in your mind –but you do not say anything.  this is the most common example of being mean –you say these mean thoughts in your mind and the only thing you need to worry about is your self-guilt for saying these things.  you tell yourself–“don’t think those mean things about people –be a better person”.  the 2nd phase is the hard one –where you think mean thoughts and then you say them aloud –immediately altering the image of yourself in the eyes of others.  they start to think –“that is a mean person” –and thus your reputation as a mean person grows and you soon find yourself alone or hanging out with other mean people.  this is the hardest thing to master –almost to the point of changing your personality a bit.  if you are a hyper person like i am, then your mind races faster than your mouth and sometimes things slip out –because you want to make your comment right away –you often skip the part of making sure the comment is a good one to say aloud.  i do this all the time–at least once a week–where i say a stupid comment and think to myself –oh, shit! –did i just say a mean comment aloud.  but i have made some progress –i do find myself going through the comments in my mind and then skipping over them and not saying them aloud –knowing that they would hurt someone.  but i am not out of the woods yet –it must come with older age –where patience sets in and you begin to understand that it is better to listen most of the time rather than speak all the time.  each close call i have makes me think more about this process.  i need to slow down a bit and have fewer missteps -i need to practice more.